Queerly Beloved
Queerly Beloved
15. Giving You Support on Finding LGBTQ+ Friendly Vendors
If you're recently engaged, the last thing you want is for a homophobic vendor to rain on your parade, so here are some tips on navigating the world of wedding vendors as a queer couple.
Here are some of the directories I mentioned in the show and HIGHLY recommend:
Equally Wed
Dancing With Her
Dancing with Them
Everywhere is Queer Map
And also try finding locally made directories or even facebook groups!
Thanks so much for listening with me for 15 whole episodes! I would love it if you said hello to me on Instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto :)
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
Clearly beloved, welcome back to this week's episode. I'm Anna, your host. I use she her pronouns, and I am so glad that you all are here. This week's episode touches on a lot of things that may have already been touched in previous episodes, but it's subject that I think is really important and it's a friend of mind for a lot of couples in the LGBTQ community. So, They are points that I kind of wanna always be driving home and sharing and educating on. So we're here to talk about how to navigate the vendor world, uh, once you are engaged. and it's an important topic because finding people to work with on your wedding day. It's a big job and it's a big deal. So I really wanna support folks in that journey. And just thinking about it, it's when you're in the height of excitement, you just got engaged, you're thinking about your wedding day, dreaming of marrying your person. Like the last thing you wanna do is get caught off guard by a vendor who isn't accepting, or you just kind of feel weighed down by having to sift through so many vendors who aren't really clear about whether or not they'll work with you. And we wanna avoid as many. Bad encounters as possible. So, I know it can feel like super daunting to try to find vendors when there are so many, and it feels like there's so many popping up all the time. And while it might seem like in 2023, everyone should accept everyone, you're good to go. We still aren't quite there yet, hopefully one day. But until then, hopefully some of these tips will help you in your search for queer friendly or ally and affirming vendors. And before I get into the nitty gritty of it, I should say that the overarching theme here is that trying to find out if a vendor, a venue is accepting and affirm. Should not be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. It should be pretty obvious and easy to find. Like you shouldn't feel on edge just filling out their contact form, not knowing what they'll say back to you. You should kind of just know that the response will be an ecstatic gift. So if that's the only thing that you get out of this, then great because. It really shouldn't be that difficult, but all of these tips are here to kind of help you navigate it still. So tip number one. If you're using a site like the Knot or Wedding Wire or Ola, or I know that there's probably others out there to help you plan, they do have the option to filter for quote unquote supporting diversity. And you can sort by things like lgbtq plus owned or women owned, et cetera. So definitely check those. However, if you don't specifically check one that says lgbtq, They don't always specify on the knot or in that person's bio if they're affirming. So just be cautious. You kind of don't know unless someone specifically says, which we'll keep talking about, but definitely make use of that filter, to select the identities that are important to you. But otherwise, tip number two is that there are alternative sites out there that use purely LGBTQ plus or affirming communities. And some of those are equally, we equally eloped dancing with her, dancing with them. And then there's also usually ones that are more location specific, like specific to certain cities or states. with those sites in particular, you won't have to question because the owners and the creator of those directories are usually queer themselves. So highly, highly recommend those. And a lot of times those directories also have lots of tips and blogs and. Post content that look like couples like you. So I will definitely link them in the show notes because highly recommend. but I will also say on a more specific note, tip number three, if you're not necessarily using those big sites to help you plan, or maybe you are, but you're still interested in just working really locally, doing your own kind of specific searches. Look on their sites, be looking on like their footer or their about page to see if they have any, you know, rainbows or love is love or things that would very clearly indicate to you. And if not, just look for recent work on their Instagram or somewhere on their site that. They have worked with a couple that looks like you. It shouldn't be buried two years ago or randomly on pride like four years ago. Like it should be somewhat recent on their feed. And there should also be sprinklings of it, right? It shouldn't be like they post one and done just to be like, oh yeah, you know, we accepted someone one time. Other than that, so that's kind of what you're looking for is if they don't necessarily specifically stay on their site, which I personally think that everybody should then be looking for recent examples of their work with LGBTQ couples and kind of be making sure that they are making an effort to share those kinds of love stories frequently. All right, tip number four, honestly. Hire a planner, if you're having a traditional wedding and planning on inviting a decent amount of guests, hiring a planner and a coordinator is such a good call. They can help you and support you in so many ways and make your life so much more stress free and honestly, beyond. These planners can ask vendors things on your behalf so that you don't have to, planners are there to support you, to help you, to help you navigate the wedding world. So definitely feel free to ask them. And also, beyond that, wedding planners have such a. Network of people that they've worked with or that they know of, that they can probably already give you a solid list of people that they can confirm are LGBTQ friendly. So definitely make use of that because not only will it make your life easier, but they are also gonna be such a big support to you. and I think that's true for a lot of vendors in general. For myself, for example, I have my own list of vendors beyond photographers and videographers that are queer owned or queer friendly. So really rely and lean on your vendors in that aspect to help you also connect with people that are safe. And if you're not working with the planner, you know it's not in your budget or maybe you're doing something super small. You can always ask a friend, like maybe you have a really trusted friend or family member that you can be like, Hey, I'm interested in reaching out to this vendor, but I'm not really sure. can you kind of reach out to them for me and see what they say so that it's not directly you being like, Hey, so and so. It's me here with the love of my life. Will. Will you work with us and have to you personally get an email back that says, absolutely not, that I will not work with you and be crushed. So if not a, a planner, asks a trusted person who can kinda. Help support you with that. All right, tip number six, this one goes out to the vendors and also couples, because I've had vendors ask like, what if I don't have any portfolio pieces to share of LGBTQ weddings and things like that? And then for the couples listening, if they're kind of like, yeah, you know, I found this one florist and I really, really love their work. And some of their pieces really spoke to me, but they haven't shared anything of LGBTQ couple. But you really wanna give them a shot. You can think of things that you might ask them, like, what would you do in this situation? And like, give a situation of, someone that it's not maybe super clear to you, like how they identify. Ask them a question and see if they pass the vibe check. It's all about passing the vibe check if they haven't really made it clear that they have examples of that work. Cuz there truly are vendors out there who would be lovely to work with and really wanna work with a community, but maybe just haven't had that opportunity. We don't wanna be exclusive to people just because they don't have a picture of someone on their site. But it still can just be like a, a good little interview moment just to be like, Hey, is this person, did they pass the vibe check? And this also applies to there are venues out there who require you to pick specific vendors. From their lists, such as like caterers or DJs that they've already approved. So in that event, you can kind of come up with a list of questions to ask the, the DJs on that list and kind of see which one passes the vibe check the most, in the event that you were kind of narrowed down to only picking from a few. Ask them how they would address someone. Or ask how they would handle certain situations that may come up in your wedding that has a wide group of people from the community. You know, whatever you feel is important to you. Just like I said, it's all about the vibe. Check, and lastly, make sure that in your overall vibe, check cuz it's important people. Make sure that when you're reaching out to vendors and venues that it feels like true and genuine celebration from the vendor. Cuz hear me, hear me out on this one. You and your partner are not a paycheck, but people who deserve to be loved and celebrated, and I hate to say it, but I know that there are vendors out there who will say yes to you simply just to get paid. But like, don't let your gay dollars go to someone who isn't head over heels, excited to celebrate you. When you inquire, it should be an enthusiastic yes. Oh my gosh. Can't wait. You two are awesome. Not just like us. Sure, I'm available for that date. You know, and obviously everyone has different, different personalities and stuff like that, but again, read the vibes. Are they truly and genuinely excited to celebrate with you? That's what I got for you. Kind of starting out with using the filters on big sites like the Knot or Wedding Wire. Otherwise, highly recommend supporting those queer owned directories that really elevate LGBTQ communities or work specifically with allies. and then also really, Rely not only on your vendors, but trusted family and friends. I can help kind of feel things out for you. And then beyond that too, just make sure that your vendors are really passing the vibe. Check. Make sure that they answer questions the way that feels right to you, and that they feel like people who are really, truly going to, to celebrate you and your person because you deserve nothing less. I know that this has been touched on on previous episodes, but I think that a lot of this is important to keep sharing and circulating because it's a big deal and I want lgbtq Q couples to feel super supported in this department, and I know that there are, allies and vendors here are listening as well. And so hopefully hearing this and hearing what potential. Future couples of viewers are looking for will kind of help you understand what you should have on your site and what kinds of things you should be sharing and things like that. So hopefully couples, allies, vendors, hopefully you all walked away with something. and again, just remember that it should not feel. I'm trying to find a needle in a haystack. Overall, it should feel really obvious to you that this person is gonna give you an enthusiastic yes, so clearly. Beloved, thanks for joining me here for this kind of short and sweet episode, and I will see you all here right back the same time next week.