26. The Impacts Coming Out Has on Your Business

In this episode, I interview Malachi of Shell Creek Photography who made the corageus jump to publicly come out just this past June. Together we discuss what it means to come out as business owner and how that has affected our business- good, bad or otherwise.
If you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out to Malachi or I and we will be happy to be support and keep things anonymous.
If you would like to talk to someone else, please consider looking at all of the many resources and support options that The Trevor Project has.

The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic

Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)

Transcript

0:41

Clearly Beloved, welcome back to this week's episode. My name is Anna. I use she her pronouns. And today with me I have Malachi from Shell Creek Photography. He is just the coolest ever. We actually met through the photo world. I went to one of the workshops he helped put on, He's just super cool and we've been able to kind of stay connected through all things photography and so I'm really, really excited to have him on today. So, okay. If you would introduce yourself, your pronouns, and any other important identities, please take it away. Yeah, my name is Malachi Lewis. I am the owner of Shell Creek Photography. Uh, my pronouns are he, him. I am gay and I am in committed relationship with an amazing guy. Excited to be talking here on the podcast. Yeah. Thank you so much. And yeah, I'd love to hear a little bit about you and your business and just kind of how you got into it all. Yeah, so it started when I was really young. Um, just kind of started with disposable film cameras, honestly, is kind of how I got into photography. Um, then. Kind of learned on film when I was kind of transitioning between film and digital, um, way back when. Um, and eventually just kind of, I. Never really put a camera down and always had a camera. Um, kind of started with landscape photography, eventually got more into portraits and wedding photography, and then most recently just kind of combined all of the landscape plus wedding photography into more adventurous open photography. Yeah. That's so cool. And I feel like you're one of those people that just kind of has it all. Like obviously you're an awesome human being and like super fun to hang out with, but you're also just like so knowledgeable and like, yeah, I, I know how to get that shot. Like, let's do it. Yeah. I love putting in the effort to, you know, Get the creative shot, do something different, really make epic scenery come alive through the photos that we shoot. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, everybody go check out his Instagram. It's amazing. Well thank you for sharing that. I really wanted to have you on today because I wanted to talk about you recently. Just this past June made the big decision to kind of come out publicly online. Um, and I realize that's like. A really big step. So thank you for sharing that with the world. but I also understand as someone who also had to do that, like just how big of a step that is and understand that that is more than just a post on social media. Like there's so much that comes with that. Um, good, bad in between and otherwise. And so, Yeah, I kind of would just like to hear a little bit more about your story and talk about the impacts of that a little bit. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of tough to know where to start and stuff. Like I have been thinking about coming out for. Quite some time. Um, I would say for at least the past year, maybe two years. Um, and I've just been thinking about it a lot and the impact and effect that would have on just my life. Um, just being raised in. The way I was raised was amazing in some ways, but then also great in other ways, just due to, unsupportive friends and family that I kind of grew up with. So when I came out, it just felt like I lost. Everybody that I had ever grown up with and known. Um, so that was really hard, uh, knowing that that would happen and talking with, uh, my partner Caleb about it, quite a bit. But I was also. Kind of worried how it would impact my business as well. Um, because I had already kind of come out to friends and family, um, sometime prior to more publicly coming out. I was just kind of nervous how that would impact my business as well, because just being. Raised how I was and being like in the closet for so long. Um, I had never, like, I had worked with, different queer couples, but I had never publicly posted anything. so it wasn't as clear to couples that I am not only. Accepting, but also like a member of the community. Um, so it was just really hard knowing how, what kind of impact, uh, that would have, especially with couples that were already booked and, you know, how are they gonna react? Like is there gonna be any negative reactions, from somebody? But. Thankfully that wasn't the case and everyone was super supportive and like couples that I have, uh, talked with that are thinking about booking me or who are already booked, booked with me or that I've shot their weddings and I've talked with them since coming out, um, they've all just been. So amazing and supportive and cheering me on and like, just really happy for me. Um, I would say the only like really negative impact business-wise would be, you know, losing some Instagram followers and Facebook followers and things like that. Um, but honestly would rather lose those followers. Because at this point they wouldn't work with me anyways, so that's very true. Kind of was a good, a good loss in a way. Yeah. And do you feel like you have had or had seen things kind of, you know, whether it was just in your day-to-day life or in the business realm that. Those things, even though they may not have been about you, kind of impacted you feeling nervous to come out? Yeah. There were definitely things that made me nervous. Um, things that past friends and family had said, just especially kind of made me nervous about. What would happen or what people would say. but a lot of the friends that I've found along the way have been just really supportive and there for me. That's amazing. And it sounds like you have a partner who's really been there through it all too. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Like. I've said during this whole process, um, like I, I've already kind of been thinking about coming out for quite a while now. Um, and I didn't want to. Come out just for him, if that makes sense. Like him coming out for me. Um, but he has made it so much easier to get through the process. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, knowing you have that support and. Knowing that it allows you to be really open with your person. Yeah, totally. That's huge. I just, I think it's such a, a concept that some folks listening might just not always be totally aware of. If it's not like something that they themselves have to think about, you know? Obviously it's like unfortunate that we live in a time where like coming out is still like a necessity. But it's something that we have to think about like all the time, right? Like even though like in my own personal business model, like I serve the queer community, like those, those are my people and I still have to like make that decision consciously, every day, like out in the real world, when someone asks me like, where my boyfriend is or someone's asking questions about my personal life or like, what have you, it's like something that's constantly on our minds, right? So like, I think it's just such an important topic to help people understand that like, it's really important and it, it makes a big impact on your life and you know, Now business wise too, that's important and it's important to be able to show up as your fullest self. So, yeah. How do you feel like it's been post coming out? Like how do you feel as a person and as a business owner now versus then? One thing that I've recently heard, um, I don't remember why I first heard it from, but someone said, think of it less as coming out and more as letting people in. just because I mean that's, honestly, like a better way to. Think about it in my opinion.'cause you're, you are who you are and you are just letting people in and see more of your, uh, truer self. Um, so it's just been like, it's still nerve wracking at times because, you know, just a. Regular conversation with somebody at a store and like just saying, my boyfriend or something like that. As sometimes nerve wracking. Um, when Caleb and I are together in public or something like that, it's like, are we. Safe to like just hold hands together here. Um, so yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. It's, yeah, and I think that's why, you know, I mentioned it constantly being on our minds because it's like, especially being a small business owner, like. It does kind of take over your life in some ways. You know, like there's that whole joke that's kind of been going around social media of like, oh, people choosing to be small business owners.'cause they think it's going to give them like all this flexibility and whatever, and you escape the nine to five just to basically work all of the time. You know what I mean? Right. So I think for us, and then on top of that, like. Not only are we small business owners, but we're small business owners who are literally like hanging out with couples who are in love and trying to give them an amazing and emotional and memorable experience. And so it's like trying to hide that from people is, is really hard. And at the same time, like it can be like a scary thing to How is this gonna impact things? So, do you feel like you have felt more at ease or, or like shown up differently in your business since it being more public? Uh, definitely. It kind of felt like leading up to coming out more publicly, like I just felt myself becoming just like, almost like shutting down internally to like almost kind of protect myself or becoming like more introverted and just like trying to. I don't know, not get too close to anybody for a long time. Um, and then feels like after coming out, just like I know some people have said that after coming out, like they feel this huge release of pressure. Like, I didn't necessarily experience that. And my, my experience is more of like a. Slow, gradual release of the pressure that I've been under for so long. So like feels like as time keeps going on, like I get more comfortable with myself and just show up more authentically as myself and social media and, um, Say one I want to say on my website and Instagram captions and things like that. Like, and it's usually not even about anything related towards, um, being queer coming out or being gay or anything like that. It's just me being myself and just really everyday life kind of stuff. Absolutely. That is so true. Um, yeah. Similar to you. I heard something the other day, I can't remember exactly who said it, but it was essentially the idea that when you are actually feel like you can be yourself and show up authentically, it changes the way that you create and the way that you interact and things like that. And, I feel like that was so true for me, like once it was out there and once I really started to to shift in my business, it was just like, oh, like I can show up to a shoot or something and not be like, okay, like just, you know, remember not to say this and do this and, and instead it was just like, oh my gosh, like the creativity is flowing because I'm just like, Being me, you know, regardless of any conversation about my, my partner or personal life or coming up, it just was like, I'm just me now. And like that I think has even impacted the way that I like take photos and interact with clients and things like that. Um, do you feel that same way? Yeah, definitely. Like just, I don't have to be. Careful about like saying the wrong thing and like can really show up as myself and think outside the box, be creative'cause you don't have this pressure that you've been under. Absolutely. And at the same time, you know, there's still that reality of sometimes like, I don't know. For me, for example, sometimes when I randomly take a second shooting position or something, there are still those moments where it's like, Hmm, do I have to like quick sneak back in the closet really quick for this? Like, I don't know, you know, there are still those moments, do you feel like. Do you have any regrets about it or are you like, this is, this is good? I mean, not really that I can think of. Like only regret, regrets would be like how some people like reacted to it, but I mean, that's not. Something that I can control. But, um, I said what I needed to say and I said it in the kindest, most respectful way I knew how to say it. Um, so yeah, I don't think I have any regrets. Yeah, that's amazing. I think it was, it was beautifully said. And you know, especially for such a big step, like sharing your partner with the world and stuff too, where do you hope this like takes you now and your business? Or what are you excited about going forward? Honestly would love to just work with more couples like Caleb and I like, I see there's, it seems that couples where the, where they're both, uh, more male presenting is. Just less, a lot less seen. Um, just from looking, in different places. And it's like, I want to get inspiration for us for like what I could see us being like and like, I just don't see that, um, with as many guys and like wanna show, um, more gay couples what their. Days could be what, you know, they could experience. And just more, I guess more rep showing more representation, uh, in that way. Yes, absolutely. And it's, I, I think that it's truly. It is really hard to put it in words how amazing it is to see love like yours reflected back to you. Like again, you know, for cis straight white couples, they see it all the time. It's not even a thought, but um, Yeah. And I know I've said this a few times and I, I realize that it might sound like a little bit out there, but I feel like queer love is like sacred. Like we've had to fight so hard to be where we are and have to fight in small ways every day. And so like seeing it and seeing it in that like big expression of love, of like making vows and committing to each other, like I truly feel like. It is like a sacred experience and being able to be a part of a couple's journey in that from our, our own community is just like really special and also really healing, I feel like too. Yeah, definitely. It's just like seeing. A couple that's two guys like getting married. Like sometimes it just feels so rare that like when I do see it, it's like, oh my gosh, I love this. And it just like really hits me in a different way. And I think that you are gonna have, you know, such a special place in this. In this realm of alumni photography, you know, making couples, because there's obviously other couples out there like you, you know, and being able to make them feel safe and seen and special, like, yeah. I'm just so excited for this chapter for you and seeing all the cool new people that you're gonna attract into your life to. Replace all the old ones that might have left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the people out there listening, whether they're other photographers, maybe other vendors or couples who are in a similar boat to where you were like a year or two ago who have been thinking about coming out or want to, but. You know, have reservations or just aren't really sure. What would you say to them? I would say just keep thinking about it and if you can find a, you know, if you've, if absolutely no one knows, find a. Close friend or two that you can, really trust and confide in and talk to them about how you're feeling, even though that they may not fully understand everything that you're going through. Um, just having someone to talk to is. Really amazing, um, throughout the whole process, especially as you get, um, closer to when you think you might want to tell more people, but coming out is just going to have. An impact on your life. Like some of it might be good, some of it might be bad, but I think eventually everything is gonna be better for it once you get through it. Yeah. Sounds like you're a living testament to that. Yeah. Yeah, totally agree. And I think. You highlighted something really important of finding those safe people early on in your journey too. Um, and that could even maybe be someone you connect with online, like over Instagram or, you know, safely on like an online forum or something like that. I think that's really huge. Um, And I don't wanna speak too much for you, Malachi, but I'd like to believe that we're both open to that too. just being there to say like, we see you. And, um, also yeah, keeping it safe, like you mentioned too, it's not, you really are the only person who can decide when it's safe to do so and what that looks like for you. Um. So, yeah, just know for any of you listening, there's people out there like Malachi and I, who are like cheering you on and, and want the best for you. Yeah, it definitely happened, like when I came out more publicly with it, um, there were a few people that. Saw that and reached out to me and said like, Hey, I'm going through something similar to, um, and like they're people in their lives, um, may have not have been supportive or known, or they're just kind of scared. But, we definitely see you out there and wanna support you. Yes, yes, 100%. And yeah, just thank you so much Malachi, for being willing to share about this. it's really important and I think the people who need to hear it are going to hear it and either walk away with things to think about or walk away feeling maybe more ready to. Share more about themselves. So thank you so much. Yeah, of course. Yeah, and I know we just had like, you know, a little bit of a tough conversation, so I'd love to end with like a fun little, just lightning round, get to know Malachi. So are you ready? I'm ready. Cool. What's your favorite color of the rainbow? Definitely green. Can see all the around you. Yes, me too. Me too. Good choice. Do you remember who or what your gay awakening was? Hmm. I don't really have like a specific. Person or moment that I can think of. Um, I think I just kind of gradually realized it over time. Um, but honestly started at a pretty young age. Yeah. Okay. Got you. That's a much better answer than me, which for me is, um, Go from impossible. So, um, there's that. Um, if you had a day off, like totally free, free from responsibilities, what would be your ideal way to spend it? Um, doing pretty much anything adventurous outside. Um, Preferably out of cell service range. Um, just like, could be paddle boarding, could be climbing, could be off-roading, um, anything like that. And just having some snacks along and staying out and watching the sunset. Oh my gosh, that sounds beautiful. Wish I could go do that right now. Oh wow. Well, truly, again, thank you so much Malachi. It means so much that you were willing to share your time and your story with us. And yeah, I'm cheering you on and I can't wait to see how this, this new open chapter of life, you know, goes for you. And, um, yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. Perfect. Well, I will link all of your socials and everything in the show notes, but I believe you're at Shell Creek photo on Instagram, correct? Yep. So everybody go check'em out, give them some love, and yeah, clearly, beloved, thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. I will see you all again very soon