29. Queerly Beloved x 2 - Wedding Planning From A Queer Wedding Planning Business' Perspective!

This week I have friends and amazing humans, Mckenna and Tiffany with Queerly Beloved Events Co.! Yes- we do share the same name so it's double the fun.
As fellow queer business owners who have a full season of planning and helping other queer couples get married in 2023, I wanted their unique insights and wisdom on the lgbtq+ wedding world. They share lots of laugh and helpful tips, so please give it a listen and share with a friend who may be wedding planning!
Find Mckenna and Tiffany on Instagram with their business @queerlybeloved_eventsco

The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic

Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)

Transcript

0:41

All right, Queerly Beloved, welcome back to this week's episode. This week, I'm so excited because it is Queerly Beloved squared. How exciting. I, I have McKenna and Tiffany with me today, and I am so excited to chat with them. We have gotten to know each other both personally and through the wedding industry world, and wow, I just love their business so much. So thank you two for being here and sharing your time with me. I would love if you two would both introduce yourself, your pronouns, and any other identities you might have. Absolutely. First, just thank you for having us. The feelings are so extremely mutual. It's been an absolute joy getting to know you personally, but also working with you professionally in this space. Thank you. But I am Tiffany. Pronouns are she, her. I identify as a lesbian. I don't know if there are any other identities or things that I'm a cis woman. Yeah. Love it. yeah, thank you as well. I'll say it again, just because both Tiffany and I are so grateful to be on your podcast and be chatting with you today and obviously have loved sharing in the wedding space and honestly, even learning a few things here and there from you too, so it's been great. Like Tiffany said, working with you and partnering with you, but I am McKenna, I also identify by she, her pronouns also identify as a lesbian woman, female. All the things. Lesbians in the house today. The lesbian takeover. Lesbian cubed. Yes. Oh my gosh. Sorry, McKenna. Okay, you know what? I'm not going to get into the mathematical terms again, so we won't even delve into that. Also, though, McKenna, I feel like you missed an important identity that you're also living that engaged life. Woo. Woo. I am. Yes. Thank you for so kindly remembering reminding me to point that out. Yes, I did get engaged and you got to be my photographer for my engagement photos. Anna, so gratefully. Took those photos. Some of which include my projector failing and helping me fix it, but it's okay with every proposal, there's always going to be something that goes wrong, but yes, very happily engaged to my partner, Jenna, and super excited to be planning a wedding. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, we're definitely going to have to hear more about that. And hopefully she's wearing her ring today so that you can, actually be engaged. The other day she literally said, can you stop roasting me on your social media? And my answer was no. And we got on a call with our wedding photographer the other day. And she literally first question out of her mouth was, Jenna, do you sleep with the tie blanket underneath? That was also featured on my social media. You do roast Jenna a lot. She's here for it. She loves it. I don't actually, I shouldn't say she loves it, but she's here whether she wants to be or not. Now it's like on socials and now we're going to add podcasts to the list. It's okay. She's going to love this episode. Shout out Jenna. Yes, Jenna's amazing. Jenna, we love you. Jenna puts up with McKenna, so she's a saint. Oh my goodness. Not after a great start between your business relationship here. It's all love. It's all love. It's all love. It's all friendly banter. Yeah. Good. And banter. Good. Speaking of business I would love to hear a little bit more about your business, Queerly Beloved. Yeah, I also just think it's so funny to think that, I don't know, I can't even remember when it was, but I remember McKenna, you messaged me out of the blue and you were like, basically Do you need us to change our name? And I was like, Oh my God, no, but that's where it all started. So yeah, I'd love to hear you to just share about your business and why you're passionate about what you do. You want to go? I can do it. So Queerly Beloved Events is ultimately a business that supports folks in planning and executing their dream event. And our biggest goal is to amplify and celebrate queer voices whether that be with our clients or in the vendors that we partner with or in the organizations that we support outside of events. Our biggest goal and something that we have the most pride in is just giving as much amplification to queer voices and celebrating queer joy. We know that the events and wedding space is extremely heteronormative, it is extremely cis, it is extremely white, and so as two people who identify, I'm biracial so As two people who experience like being othered in the racial identity category navigating that space can be. Can be scary. And wanting to be allies and be that kind of liaison for our clients to navigate some of these spaces and have someone on their side and advocating for them and ensuring that they're going to have the best experience possible. That's our ultimate goal. And Yeah, just, our job is really interesting. We know we could be doing something as mundane as like managing vendor contracts or creating a seating chart or being a therapist to a client whose family doesn't support them and their pronouns, it's, we do whatever it takes to ensure that our clients not only have the best wedding or event possible, but. In this time leading up to that event that they're supported and, affirmed throughout that process. She said that so beautifully. I don't even know if I really have anything to add. I think. Tiffany, I'm hoping she'll agree with me as I say this, I feel like we feel so incredibly lucky to be working in this space. Like I feel as though a lot of the clients that we work with they just feel like chats with your friends and ultimately that's what you want in a wedding coordinator and a wedding planner. Like you want someone. Who will, who can be maybe like a mini therapist who can support you in some of the harder decisions you might have to make, can get you through those conversations with a certain level of understanding that maybe someone in your direct or immediate family might not understand. Or maybe if you even don't have those, family members involved in this process, being able to. Provide that support be the couple's biggest cheerleader and make sure that at the end of the day They feel like wow, that was such an incredible day And ultimately I think you know tim and I would both agree like we try not to be visible in the day Like we're just trying to be there to make sure everything in the background goes smoothly and if we've done our jobs the couple won't even really see us. It's a very rewarding job. I think just being in this space and being able to provide these services has been so much fun and just so rewarding. So I think we both just feel incredibly grateful to be here. Yeah. I would only add that especially during the challenging political and societal times that we live in, to be able to be surrounded by joy and celebration of queer love in these times is extremely I feel so privileged, especially being in a state like Minnesota, where our rights are protected and enshrined in law. It's something I don't take lightly. And it's something that I really value and want to make sure our clients and the people of our community know that like you're in a place that supports you and you should live that out loud and to the fullest, because there are so many of the people in our community that are in states that do not affirm their value or they don't affirm their rights and their ability to celebrate their love in the way that we do here in Minnesota. I take that as it is like something, a badge of honor that I carry in this job. And so wanting to continue to just celebrate and amplify those voices. Wow. That's amazing. I'm even just I don't know, I feel like some of that just gave me chills. Like knowing, having people like you too, that are literally like like a couple side throughout every part of the process, like everything you just said, you were basically like, we're going to go to war for this. That is truly so special. And it sounds like honestly, some of your passion for the job comes from even your own, like lived experiences in your own personal lives. Would you say that's true? Definitely true for me. Yeah. I, yeah, I would say the same, I think. There's just like Tiffany said, there's a lot, especially with the political climate as it is. There's a lot of things that I feel like Tiffany and I have both lived through separately and, like obviously seeing unfold through the. Political scene itself. A lot of, anti trans laws coming into play here. So again, just being able to see that happening, but then also having such strong feelings about wanting to provide that safe space for our couples. And just knowing that, if we were in their shoes and in a sense, I am obviously planning my own wedding, like wanting to know that there are vendors Queerly Beloved like Wildly Connected that will be there to support. And have that extra layer of understanding is so important. Yeah, definitely. Absolutely completely agree with what mckenna's saying. I'd say, you know for me, In my professional life, like my corporate life, I, for many years, have worked in inclusion and diversity, equity, and inclusion, and that's actually how McKenna and I worked, or met each other, is in that corporate setting I worked in inclusion and was designing affinity groups and asked McKenna to lead our queer group, and This is something that has, is embedded in who I am and the values that I have and I live and breathe and work every day. This is not something that just because I identify as a queer woman and I'm biracial that is my lived experience, yes, but it is also my professional goal is to And create more inclusive spaces and every space so that folks in my community or folks in marginalized communities or underrepresented communities feel included and that they belong and their opinions and voices are respected in every room whether that's at a in a corporate setting or in planning their own event. So I would absolutely say that this is something that is an extension of just, the work that we both have. Fought for in other places in our lives. Yeah, that, that is amazing. You bring so much to the table. I'm curious too, if I know I've heard you both say it a few times of just the world we live in, everything that's happening, political climate, are those things that you Have ever felt show up like at wedding days and in various ways or in working with couples or what's your experience with that been like, I would say the biggest place that it shows up is in families maybe we have, we've had clients where their families might not be the most supportive of their quote unquote lifestyle or their career. they might not honor or respect them as a trans person. And so navigating, I don't know if that's like the political sphere that shows up, but I do think that it's inherently tied because it's this political messaging that we've politicized people's lives. And sometimes I feel like these family members or these friends, if you want to call them that, they, the media that they're consuming, that the. Political affiliation that they have spills into their personal lives, and they forget that these people that they claim to love are human beings with feelings and emotions, and they're not just a political campaign. It's not just, a book you're trying to ban in your kid's library. These are our lives. These are our You know, this is real. And so I'd say that's the biggest area that it shows up. I feel like we've been very fortunate and been very intentional in aligning ourselves with businesses that we haven't had to really face a lot of that. But that's, again, by design, it's intentional. We have no intention in supporting businesses that don't support the lives of the people that we're trying to celebrate. So I feel like Tiffany. The nail on the head, so to speak. Yeah I do feel like Tiffany said, it, it does come from a lot of. of families, unfortunately, that we see some of that, misalignment just due to, them, consuming this media that's being fed to them and the narratives that are being used to then politicize these people's lives that kind of creates that division and unfortunately that's something that can be hard, obviously it's hard for us, but, being there for these couples as well as they're navigating that is never easy. And I think we strive to be the best partners and supporters of these couples. But at the end of the day it's definitely never something that's easy to navigate. And we try our best to be very understanding of that. Just knowing that this is like the world we live in, unfortunately. So yeah, I would also add that. I think this is one of the areas in which that I feel so fortunate and grateful to have a business partner, because I feel like so many folks that have queer owned businesses like. When you are photographing a wedding, like you might be the only person there and you're subjected to trauma and you're subjected to things from like family members and like you have to absorb that and take that on and typically, not every wedding or event are we together, but for most of them we are and we have each other to lean on and support one another and like debrief with and take a deep breath and Let's do it. Did you hear that? You know what I mean? Like we have someone to like, to be supportive of each other. Yeah. And so I feel really fortunate in, in how our business functions because of that. For sure. Yeah, that's great. And I think, yeah, it brings an interesting perspective to, I don't know if you two are ever hit with the Oh my God, your job must be so fun. Like you get to just show up at a wedding and blah, blah, blah, which is like. It's an irritating statement all on its own, but I feel like when you bring that perspective of actually, though we aren't just vendors. We're showing up with so much more. They're ready for the client. They're to be the therapist. They're to yell at Aunt Karen if she, says something silly. Yeah I'd say that I don't feel like we get that a lot. I feel like most of the time guests, we, guests see us like running around like crazy and like talking in our walkies and like we're typically so hyper focused and busy that I'm so sad that statement gets made to like our listeners. Vendors like photographers DJs because they, I feel like they have a little bit more quote unquote downtime, if you will, like where it doesn't, it might not look like they're actively busy in the way that we are, but that doesn't mean that you're like not trying to get the shot or you're, like it's our work looks different for different reasons and, but neither of it is any less of work, quote unquote, just because of the way that it. Is perceived by other people. But I don't think, I feel like we haven't gotten too many of those statements of I feel like most people come up to us and they're like, Oh my gosh, I can't imagine doing what you do. Yeah. Because he has sweating and have like flowers on our shirt, because like we're in the middle of doing so much stuff that we look like a mess. Yeah. Sometimes. Hot mess express over here. We try to. Easy, but yeah, a lot of times it's not play it off really well, though. Yeah, no I fully believe it. You two are hardworking for sure. I feel like it's just like the general assumption that people are like, Oh, if you work weddings, like you're working like a funeral, like people are happy and. Yeah, but it's a fun time not knowing that the couple is like fighting right before they walk down the aisle and we got to keep a marriage together or a dad is hammered in the parking lot. Weddings are fun. Yeah, but yes, so many things happening behind the scenes that those are both. True experiences that I've had an experience in multiple times. So it's, yeah, it's, their weddings are so stressful. To be a guest at a wedding is the, is amazing. I love going to weddings as a guest. I'm so sorry. You won't get that. You won't get that at my wedding. It's going to, your wedding's going to be fun. Okay. No, actually Ana gets to have the guest experience at my wedding, but. Yes, as you should. As you should. Yeah, I'm super curious. Like you two have both touched just a little bit on how you have experiences and like event planning and customer service and like all the things outside of this business. So I guess I'm curious how that's looked for you making that transition from, events and interactions that are like that to working and a really. An industry that's focused on queer love. What has that transition been like? I guess for me, I know that Tiffany has a lot more solidified event planning experience, and not to say that I don't have as much, but I feel like my event planning experience has been a little bit more Smaller scale. I do feel like I make up for that though with the amount of customer service I will be the first to admit that i've probably worked many more jobs than a person should ever have worked in their life But you know through a lot of those customer experience jobs I feel like you get a certain level of Problem solving, like thinking on your feet, and especially dealing with like complaints, right? We're in a very people focused business and that's always going to come with its fair amount of complaints, whether it's from like during the day, there's some problem that arises that needs to be addressed, things like that. And I think that's really helped me transition into this space just because, I do have a lot of conflict resolution skills coming from serving at restaurants or working in customer service. So I feel like it's all been very transferable. And I feel so blessed to have this lovely business partner sitting next to me, who's been so gracious and teaching me the ins and outs of the more, specific event things. So I feel like I've been, I've had a great teacher, so it's been fairly easy to adjust. With Tiffany kind of like guiding this whole process and us working together and partnering in these things. But I will let Tiffany speak to her experience as well, yeah. So my experience comes from I come from a corporate background of. Planning whether that be like corporate events from a team member perspective or from like a like trade shows and fairs, like that kind of side of things, I would say the biggest difference in going from corporate events into people's weddings is that like on the corporate side of things. I'm a very like analytical type a person it's business. It's not personal versus weddings. It's really personal this is someone's like dream. This is something like that. They're extremely emotional about and so For me i've relied on mckenna to be that more emotional sounding board and that more like warm and fuzzy personality I'm the like list get shit done type of person. I'm, sorry. I don't know if i'm supposed to swear that's me. I'm like the more analytical person. So trying to soften myself for the like wedding side of things is been a transition for sure. And I think I do an okay job. I hope I don't scare too many people with my intensity. She does a great job. She's fabulous. So I think that's like definitely the biggest transition for me, but I think there's there's so many things that are transferable. Like McKenna said, I think anytime you're working with people anticipating needs is the biggest thing that we do. We work really hard to ensure that our clients don't have to think about things. It's our job to anticipate their needs and plan and create a. Create a flow or create an experience that allows them to just participate rather than think about what they should be doing. I always tell our clients, like maybe most of our clients have never planned a wedding before and it's, I don't expect you to know what you're supposed to do. That's why you hire us is because we know what you're supposed to do. And our job is to anticipate your needs and say, based on your vision, how does that fit into the natural flow of planning an event? And, so much of this is it's just, it is people pleasing essentially. It's just like thinking about, what your clients need. So yeah, you can get that from any type of experience. Yeah. Yeah. And I, yeah, I was just curious because I feel like even for me, even though I've been shooting weddings for almost 10 years, almost like eight or nine of those years, we're all And so I think even for me, like making just a little hop over to focusing on queer couples, like it just felt so different. Like for me, I've definitely said this on the podcast before, but I feel like there's just something like sacred, like it just felt so different. Feels like it feels different. It feels so and I think maybe as people in the community, it, it can feel different too to just watch love stories that look like yours. Yeah. it just, it like feels so different and so beautiful and so I hope that's been your experience too. Yeah. I would say there's definitely the queer weddings feel sacred. It feels like for so long. We haven't been able to celebrate this kind of love. And so now to be able to see it and amplify it and celebrate it out loud in this way. It does feel like something that is extra special. And I'm sure I feel that way because I'm a queer person. You know what I mean? But. It's just, it feels it does feel really sacred and it just feels like such an honor and a privilege to be a part of it because so many of the ancestors of our community or the elders of our community didn't get to experience this. Yeah, and I feel, when you think about it too, like what you were, I feel like almost leading up to is like people fought literal fights to be able to just be who they are and love who they want to love. So to be able to finally, like we said in Minnesota, where it's enshrined in law, be in a place where we can do that and we don't have to get into literal fights. We can just do what straight people have been doing. For however many years but it's, obviously it's not the same everywhere. And we understand that there are some areas that aren't as accepting or as understanding, but I think to be in a place where we are slowly making progress towards just being able to go and marry the person we love is just it's so amazing to watch. It's wonderful to be part of that process and making that final dream come true. Whether, like you're the photographer capturing those moments or, whether you're us and helping plan and bring that vision to life. It's a very, I would say humbling experience because we have been through, our ancestors have been through so much to get us to where we are today. So it's just a beautiful thing to be a part of. And we are very cognizant of the fact that fight's not over, and we know that there are many members of our community that are still not being, honored and respected and treated the way that they should, and we continue to stand shoulder to shoulder with our community and advancing and ensuring that the rights for everyone in our community are protected. 100%. Yeah, totally agree. On that note, I guess I'm curious if you two feel any kind of differences between just what you've experienced and helped planned and seen overall in queer weddings versus straight weddings, whether it's from how they are planned or from decisions that couples make or yeah, I'd love your insight on that. I would say the only difference that comes to mind right away is like typically with queer weddings, there's not as much of the familial influence, so you don't have as much of the you have to invite these people, or you have to do these traditional dances, or you have to do these things, because you don't have, maybe for good or bad reasons, or indifferent reasons a parent isn't breathing down your neck to do these things. And I think as part, like part of queer liberation is for again, good, bad or indifferent reasons, removing yourself from these like societal norms and expectations. So there's not as much of that. Like I have to do this pressure that I've experienced and heteronormative weddings I'm sorry, heterosexual weddings. But, yeah, I feel like with hetero weddings, it's it's very traditional. The wedding follows this this very traditional script that is every wedding is the same. And it's just plugging in two different people and different guests and maybe a different menu. But with queer weddings, I feel like it's, there's so much nuance and there's so much freedom and liberation to do things very differently because you're not trying to fit into this box that society has deemed for you. And again, that's, that can be good or bad depending on how you got to that place. So I recognize that there's trauma in some of that. Yeah. Yeah I would say, I think for me, it's like a blank canvas in a sense. Just for what Tiffany also said, like there, there are so many traditional elements in a hetero wedding. And I feel like in queer weddings, you can stay as close to the quote unquote, like traditional wedding, like timeline as you want to, or you can make it as untraditional as you want it to be. There's really no. Rules or playbooks because I, and I feel like that's the cool thing too. Like I think a fair share of the weddings that we've done thus far, I think there's been some elements of quote unquote tradition and some elements of we're doing this differently. And I think having the freedom to just switch things up, do things differently and then hearing about the different ways that couples choose to execute their day. And again, like helping them bring that. Vision to actual fruition has been really cool. Yeah, I would say that the tradition is a big part of it where they can be as untraditional or, and I hate that it's even called traditional. That's a whole other story for a whole nother time. But I think being able to pick how you want to make your day. Yeah. And I'd say speaking on the terms of tradition is like, we've been really fortunate and really try hard to work with clients that are of different. cultural backgrounds, different ethnicities, or races, and so seeing what tradition looks like in other cultures is, has been really cool, and to to what we consider traditional is typically a, is a white tradition. It's cis white culture. To be able to break down that tradition and say tradition can be X, Y, or Z. It doesn't have to be this thing that society has brainwashed you into thinking of. That's I would love for us to get to a place where, like, when we think of quote unquote tradition, we don't have one prescribed thing in mind. We think of okay what is your cultural tradition? Yeah, because it could be so different and maybe you do want to participate in your cultural norms and traditions, but they're not, a mother son dance or a garter toss, it could be so many different things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I agree. I think it's, that's such a tough thing. Like I, I mentioned this in one of my episodes a little while back of as essentially it sounds like you're saying one of the biggest differences is that there's no roadmap, right? It's not like a, yeah, like a cookie cutter. This is what happens, which is great. That's why I think queer weddings are so cool because it's not so like cookie cutter and at the same time. That's hard too, right? If you are like, talking to a queer couple and you're like, okay, so yeah like you said, as a first dance as an example so you don't want to do a mother son dance, maybe because there's no sons involved what do you do instead? And they're like, I don't know. This is what, this is how it's always been done. And so now it feels like our responsibility to figure out what the other thing is. Yeah. Yeah. So I can totally also see how it's like a both and in that situation of Cool. Like I'm the one always being like, do whatever the heck you want. Do whatever feels like you. And also realize that it's complicated. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's like one of the funnest, most creative parts of this job is getting the ability to recreate the wheel in a sense of there are these traditional elements of weddings that we get to redefine and we get to We get to create new traditions and again, redefine what is a parent child dance, what is like, how do we, what, how do we use more inclusive language in every part of the wedding process, because every step of this journey will include extremely gendered language, like what people think of weddings, they think of bride and groom, they think of nothing else. So we get, that's one of the funnest things is like how we get to. They get creative around these things. And if our clients want to participate in these things in a way that honors them and their identity, we are so thrilled to do that with them and talk through what that can look like and talk to them about what other clients have done in the past or ideas for like for them that are more, specific. That's the creative part of this job that can be so fun and fulfilling. Yeah. And you totally just segued right into my next thought, which is just the idea of, I think for the couples listening and also for other vendors listening. Who may not be queer, what do you feel like as people in the, in this industry who also identify as part of the LGBTQ community? Like, how do you feel like that helps you better serve your clients? I think the biggest thing that I think Tiffany and I have heard a lot of times, when you go to those, when you first get engaged, you're really excited to. To think about the planning process. You're really excited to start ideating what your day's going to look like. The decor is going to be the vendors you're going to pick. Obviously it's a great time to get excited about the day as a whole. And hearing about our couple's experiences going to some of these wedding shows and the first words out of the vendors mouths are, Oh, are you two friends? Where's the groom? Where's the, and so I think, even just like a reframe and a readjustment in, one, educating the vendors we do come into contact with about being more inclusive. But then to, being able to I guess be that supportive vendor that you know, you're not going to have to worry about being misgendered like our inquiry form asks for your pronouns it asks for How you prefer to be identified if you have any preferred names that you prefer to go by instead of your legal name all those considerations that we I think have both taken a lot of time and put a lot of time and thought into how we want to Present ourselves and I think a big part of that is like how do our clients perceive us and that's a lot of like a lot of the work before we even meet them on a call is making sure they feel affirmed and they feel Supported and they know that tiffany and I are going to do our very best in making sure that the vendors they partner with are all queer or at the very least strongly allied so I think that's like the heart of our business, really. But yeah, I think that's what we've worked really hard to do. Yeah, I would say as a queer person, my advice to another business would be like, My, so depending on you, the goals of your business, but my, the business of, or excuse me, the goals of my business is to ensure that our table is big enough for everyone to fit at, and our tent is big enough for everyone to be under. And in order to do that, I assume nothing. I don't care what your identities are. I don't care how you got to that place. I want you to know that you belong. Regardless of those identities, there is a space for you that is safe, that you are respected, you are valued. And in order to do that, that removing of those assumptions, It's work. And I think some of our vendor businesses Just need to put the intentionality behind it and say if it is important to me That these folks feel welcomed and respected in my business Then I have to do the work to ensure that they get that from me When they see my content when they see my website when they see my inquiry form when they engage with me You know, that's all intentional and it's hard work. It's not easy. You know what I mean? Like we all have to Change our language and be more inclusive. Society has deeply ingrained in us a certain set of skills and it takes time and effort and intentionality to rewrite that script, but I think I feel like a better ally. I feel like a more inclusive human being. I feel like when people interact with me, I want them to feel loved. I want them to feel warm. I want them to feel supported and that they have a safe space and they have an ally and they have a friend. That means more to me than the ease of not using inclusive language. And I, and the other thing is even as a queer person, I make mistakes. I slip up. I've misremembered clients. I've accidentally used their legal name because I was reading their form instead of talking I've dead named people and I'm not proud of any of those things, but I do believe that people give us grace and that there is room for error that like, as long as it's about intentionality, like my clients know that I'm trying so hard to ensure that like they feel respected and valued and appreciated. And so it's okay to make mistakes. But, like, how often are you doing it? How intentional are you about, being open and honest in who you are and what your journey is? I think that there are lots of things vendors can do and businesses can do to be more affirming allies. And I think it just starts with what do you want as a business? What are your goals? What are your what are your practices and how much time do you spend on your business? Ensuring that that's a core part of what you do. Like the operation side of clearly beloved is just as important as building content as executing events, as interfacing with clients, how we run this business matters. And it impacts the clients that we entered, that we deal with and the vendors that we deal with. So making sure that we invest that time into our own growth as a business is extremely important. Oh my God. I feel like that was just a mic drop moment. Like you to say that six more times. Wow. Yeah. Everything about that. Like I could even just end the podcast right here. Why don't you said something about getting rid of assumptions for everybody under the tent? That's it. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah. And I think too, like I'm sure you've heard like variations of this with your own clients too, but I've just heard the sentiment of it just feels easier. It just feels different to walk in a room and know that we're all on the same page. That with vendors who are allies you can't get the same feeling, but I think There's something you just can't replace of walking into a room and being like, Oh, this person gets it. I don't have to explain any part of my life or identity. Like they just feel judged about it. Like it's a safe space to share. If you, if if a client tells me they're poly or they're non gender, nonconforming, or they're like, there's so many things that like, we just inherently have more access to, as far as knowledge goes because of the community that we're a part of that it does feel like clients feel more like willing to open up and share. And we get that, like on client, like introduction calls, like we've never talked to people before. And they'll tell us that like their family drama or like their identity issues. And I, and I hope that's because they feel safe with us because, we're a queer business and we, we don't get everything. There's new stuff that's coming out every day. We get it. But we really work hard to, stay abreast at the knowledge and be open to learning more. Yeah. And I feel like it goes also to the heart of when you are picking your running vendors again, you want people. That you feel comfortable with that you feel like if I, can't be there to make a decision, I want to feel comfortable that, my photographer can make an informed decision that my wedding planner can make an informed decision without me present. You want people that you trust, like the back of your hand. And I feel like if there is not like Tiffany mentioned the intentionality behind understanding who you are as a person. Then we can't really support you can't really support someone. If you don't really care about who they are as a person, you need to have that level of understanding that level of intentionality. And you also don't want to just feel like you're just taking people's money. I think it's so much more than just a business. It's a, it's a. I don't even know how to put it into words. It's supporting someone on what could very well be one of the most important days of their lives and making sure that everything goes smoothly, but it's also making them feel like they were able to be the truest form of themselves on that day as well. And knowing that you have those vendors behind you to support you. Again, with the intentionality behind it, I think makes all the difference in the world, I would argue. Yeah. And unfortunately for some of our clients, them hiring queer businesses or underrepresented groups, businesses are the only allies they have on their wedding, unfortunately, when they're surrounded by family that dead names them or misgenders them or gives them grief about who they are, like. Sometimes it's talking to your photographer or it's talking to your DJ or your wedding planner that gives you a moment of relief on your wedding. You know what I mean? That makes you feel like safe, so it's it's who you surround yourself by some of those people you get to choose and some of them you don't, and the ones that you get to choose. Why not choose people that I get it and understand it in a way that the people you don't get to choose Make a big deal out of yeah Wow, yeah, it is. Yeah, it just sounds like it again and again like it's yeah it's more than a job for us. This is yeah This is so special. And yeah, I can just tell that you two do really value this and take it seriously. So thanks for being those good people on people's wedding days. Yeah, those who get it. And those who don't. Don't you know it's all about understanding and having that level of understanding and compassion. And I think safe to assume that the three of us all have it. And I love that. I love that. We're able to build these spaces together and build, these kinds of atmospheres or environments where people feel. Comfortable sharing parts of themselves that they maybe don't share with other people. So it's extremely humbling and amazing. Yeah, truly. Yeah. And so I guess I'd like to wrap up our questions with a two part question. You two have like a. A whole wedding season together under your belts now. So I guess I'm curious. 1, if there's any big takeaways that you'd like to share with either couples or vendors. And 2, I'm also curious if, cause we're in this kind of end of year season, if there's anything you'd like to leave behind in 2023, we don't need to keep doing that or if there's things you would like to see more of in 2024. I know that's a lot, but you got it. Okay, so in terms of takeaways, man, there's a lot, I feel like we have been through so much this season. I think, having. Having our first season, but then also Tiff and I were just talking about this, like not, I think we knew there was obviously a demand in our market for something similar to what we're offering. But I don't think either of us really anticipated the large influx of business we would get from the get go which. May or may not have been because I think I spammed every single queer Facebook group there is on the interwebs for the minute. That was true. Yes. But I think takeaways would be gosh, I feel like there's a lot, but for me, I think the main one would be like like we were talking about before, creating the environment, or talking to clients about how there is no, Roadmap, I think for I won't lie and i'm not proud of this at the beginning I was in the mindset of oh straight weddings Like this is how it's gonna go. This is how i've seen it done You know at the weddings I have gone to which have all been straight weddings. So in my mind I was like, okay this is the road map. This is how all the weddings are gonna go It's just a matter of tiffany said like piecing together You know, you put together this day and it's the same timeline and you just maybe shuffle in and out different couples and different people. But I think I've learned so much about how it is so unique and amazing to be able to have these days where it's not necessarily going to look the same. There might be different elements or different traditions or different. Things that couples want to incorporate into their day, whether they're cultural, whether they're. Just things that are special to the couple or unique to the couple. And I feel like it's been a really big learning curve for me. And I'm so proud of how my mindset has shifted from thinking one way to another. And I just feel so grateful to our clients for allowing me to grow in this space and learn from, what they're doing on their days. But yeah, I think that's my biggest takeaway. Tiffany, what about yours? I would say my biggest takeaway from this last wedding season would probably be in, in being in business with someone. It's like the event side of things, I feel like. I could do that in my sleep because I'm a psychopath. But it's I've never had a business with another person and I think learning how to be in business with someone has been, interesting. And I think for me, everything changed when we like, when we rooted our like relationship and our friendship rather than in our business. And like that, that to me changed a lot of the dynamic of how we work and operate together. And I feel like things got so much easier at, after that point. And yeah, like growing and business ownership was, is definitely, I think the biggest takeaway for 2023 for me. Oh my gosh. She's going to make me get teary eyed. But my biggest, I'd say my biggest thing that I'd like to leave in 2023. I know this is really hard and I feel like any person dealing or working in the wedding industry would probably also say this, but so much of this space is dictated by expectations. And I would love for our clients going forward to just throw expectations to the wind. This is your day. It's about celebrating your love. I don't care what your mom says. I don't care what your aunt says. I don't care what the people, like what your best friend says. Like this is not their wedding. It's not their love. It's not it's not their memories that they're going to look back on. My, my biggest, when I try to advocate to our clients, and I know it's really hard, I've got family that has opinions as well so I get it, but just letting that go, and just remembering that there are two people that matter on this day, and as long as those people are in alignment about their expectations, then everyone else can go away it doesn't matter, they really don't matter. So that's what I hope we can leave in 2023 is familial expectations. I love that. I feel like I would agree actually. I think that is something that I would love to leave in 2023 as well. I think something that I've been thinking a lot about too is the whole concept of weddings being a party for your guests, I love and hate that at the same time because I understand, when I get invited to a wedding, I'm like, Ooh, great. We're going to have a party. It's going to be so fun. It's, and I think some of it gets lost because. The, it's supposed to be a celebration of the couple's love. And obviously during the ceremony, whatever kind of ceremony, you choose to have, that is going to be the focal point. And then, everyone's paying attention to the ceremony. But I think after. As well, it gets lost and it's more about, okay, where's the bar? Where are the drinks? I love a good party. I will be the first to admit I love a good open bar. I love a good party. I love just mingling with people and chatting and all that. But I think and I don't even know how I would readjust this, but just trying to remember that at the end of the day it's all about the couple. It's all about their love. And the day being like couple centric, like it should, really just all be about them, their love and that. So I think Not letting that get lost in the mix of wanting to throw an amazing party. And I think that's easier said than done, but I think just really trying to keep the day as, as couple focus as possible is something I would like to, or not, losing focus on the couples when I want to leave in 2023 and refocusing on. The couple. Yeah, because if you want to throw just like a good party, we can help you do that too. Yeah. It doesn't have to be called a wedding. Like we, we throw parties, we don't have to be weddings. Exactly. We can throw a killer party. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. We're at such an interesting time in the world where I think we're trying to create a future that like, Yeah. Obviously that's the definition, but it doesn't exist yet. There's no, we're trying to create new traditions, new things around things, new ways to celebrate. So I think it's it's both of our responsibilities. It's on the couple and it's on the vendors and on everybody involved, to make that transition into kind of where the focus is at, yeah, any last are there, is there advice you'd like to give to queer couples or anything you'd like to see more of? I'd say advice is always for me gonna be just like honoring yourself and your journey. I think weddings can be a traumatic time for folks in the queer community. And I'd say it's okay to have a smaller wedding that's more impactful to you and more celebratory of you than it is to have a bunch of people there that you have to be worried about not being yourself around That would be my biggest advice is like throw expectation to the wind and just do what feels right and do what's going to honor and celebrate you and your soon to be spouse, yeah, gosh, I don't, yeah, I feel man, what would I say to, yeah, I think not trying to lose yourself in the day, not trying to live up to anyone's expectations, but your own And I guess really just understanding that, this is your day and again, just trying to keep it as couple focused as possible. At the end of the day, the only thing that really matters is you and your partner and celebrating and that love. And yeah, I think it's, I feel again it's so easy to get lost in the idea of we want our guests to have a great time, I think no matter what. They're going to have a great time. It's all about you. And I guess also going off of that, you don't need to spend thousands of dollars to have a great wedding. I think social media has been a huge, I don't want to say negative impact in this industry because I think social media can do a lot of great things. But obviously at the end of the day, there's a lot of stuff out there about, the latest and greatest trends and all these different things and it can make weddings seem really daunting And I think this last year i've learned through our business and through what we can do that You don't have to spend crazy amounts of money either to have a great day. I think it's very doable Yeah, I'm gonna piggyback on that and say another piece of advice to clients or couples would be When you think about your wedding budget like take some time In looking up each individual aspect of your wedding, that's important to you and predetermining an amount of money that you're comfortable spending in advance, because so many clients, so many couples come to us and they say that their budget is X, Y, and Z. And then as we go throughout the planning process, that budget doubles or triples because they decide they want something different and it's not like. My concern is that you don't give yourself fair access to vendors if you're putting yourself in one box and then you leave that box for this one particular vendor. And it's just we could have, oh, sorry we could have, found you vendors in a different we want to bring you people that are, like, Going to provide you with the service and the quality of goods that you are looking for. And it's really hard to do that. If you tell us your budget is this and what is that based in? And some of our clients, we get to create a budget and walk through that with them hand in hand. And some of them we don't, the financial piece of a wedding, it's really sensitive. Like we, we often like. We never want to assume that our clients are getting familial support or have saved their whole lives for this day, or are willing to take out a home equity loan, or, like we never want to assume those things, but it's, it can be alarming sometimes how much people think they're going to spend versus how much they actually spend and where that goes and we can only give advice. so much. And even our own clients sometimes don't listen to us. It's not our job, in my opinion, to make the choice for you. I'm presenting you with options that are good, better, best, or prices X, Y, or Z. And it's your, it's up to you to make the choice on where you want to spend the money. But I think we really try to have conversations with our clients about like, How did you come up with your budget? How important is it that you stick to your budget? And like really think about the financial investment piece because weddings don't have to be a financial investment, but oftentimes they, they end up becoming a very big financial investment. Oh yeah. The wedding industry for no reason. Yeah. And my, oh, my last piece of advice is hire a wedding planner, please. Don't have to be us. We're the best, we think. But it's, this is a tricky space to navigate and you need support and you need someone on your side that's like advocating for you. And I definitely think that hiring a wedding planner is one of the best ways to do it. Completely agree. Not biased opinion at all. Not biased at all, but you're so right. Oh my goodness. You two are so amazing. Thank you so much for being here today. Yeah, seriously, these are some of the best people you'll ever meet. So if you're in the market for planners, definitely reach out to them. Speaking of where can everybody find you two at? So our website is clearly beloved events.co. Our Instagram is clearly beloved underscore events Co. I think we're on Facebook, McKenna, that's where you're, is that Queerly, just Queerly Beloved Events? Yep. The whole all the words. All of the words. All of the words. We did not think of shorthandles when we built any of this. They're not available. So if QBE. com would like to get out of the insurance business and give us that domain name, we would definitely take that. However, they're a publicly traded business, so I don't foresee that happening anytime soon. Oh. Yeah. And I don't think we could afford paying them out. So basically we're all just here admitting that we thought we were being so like creative and cool with this name only to find out that there's 1200 other queerly beloved type things. The QBE is actually we looked it up and it's it stands for Queensland bank of something. And it's like an insurance company. Yeah. And it doesn't even stand for Queerly Beloved, which is just wrong. That's homophobic if you ask me. Yeah. Cool. Great. I will make sure to link that in the show notes. Thank you. Before we sign off, we're gonna do a quick lightning round, which is just, I ask a question, you say the first thing that pops in your mind, just short answer. For it on way to get to know you to a little bit better before we sign off. So yay ready? Okay, favorite color of the rainbow blue purple. Amazing. Do you two remember who or what your gay awakening was? Gay Awakening. Oh, gosh. Blake Lively and Gossip Girl. That's rich. Oh, I know. Okay. From Bring It On, the gymnastic girl that was like the cheerleader. They only had cheerleading, so she had to do it, but she was a gymnast. I don't remember her name in the show. Oh yeah! From Bring It On. I'm not gonna remember her name either. I've never actually seen that, but I can see it. Oh, Anna, you gotta watch it. We can all watch it together. We're all gonna get together and watch it. Movie night! Movie night! And read our book on the side as well. Yes, exactly! Book club on the side as well. Movie and books. Oh my gosh, and last question, do you have a favorite queer icon? It can be a person or like a Does it count if I have two? Does two work? Do it. Have two. Allie Krieger and Fletcher, team Allie, team Fletcher, who is Allie Krieger? Oh my gosh. Are you not a sports fan, Anna? It's okay. She's a women's soccer player. Yeah. She's, oh, okay. No, I do know who she is. Okay. All right. There we go. Yes. Queer icon. I would say, I don't know. I don't have, I don't think I have a queer icon. You don't have an icon? Oh my god. I know. I admire a lot of queer folks queer celebrities and whatnot. But icon, I don't know, an icon status. I think I put too much pressure on what that means. Yeah. What's the first thing that pops into your mind? What's the first queer Person that pops in your mind. Doesn't have to be an icon. Megan Rapinoe. There you go. Yeah, but you don't have a soccer player. So I was like, Oh, crazy person. We love it. We love Yeah. I love it. Thank you to both again so much. It was a joy to have you both and having us. Yeah. Queerly Beloved, we will see you all here next week. We'll be tuning in. Yeah. Don't forget to subscribe.