Queerly Beloved
Queerly Beloved
48. The Important Balance of Celebrating + Normalizing
It's been a rough time since the election and I'm here to sit in that with y'all. Read here for the blog mentioned:
Post- Election resources blog
I'm also here to discuss finding our new normal and the importance of acknowledging queer couples and identities while also realizing it's normal and cool AF to be queer.
Please keep finding your community, finding moments of joy and making more community.
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
I just want us all to. Start this episode with. Uh, one big deep breath in together. Wow. Uh, it has been a very. Weird and very rough past couple of weeks. I know, I kind of just got the podcast up and going again, but I took a pause. post-election just because. It just didn't feel quite right to just kind of, uh, jump back into things and to be. Posting like. Wedding related content as per normal. When very clearly the world. Does not feel. Super normal. I think in discussing the topic of this week's episode, I hope that it will lend itself well to. The concept that. Well, I think the world is going to be shifting a lot. And that is where, of course, a lot of our. Attention's will be going. That hopefully. For each person and within. Our community that we can still find ways to find our own normals and. Hopefully find ways that as the world. Changes that we are still able to, to find peace and joy in our lives. But I do just want to say that. It has been. Uh, very. Rough couple of weeks and it's okay to be feeling whatever you have felt and whatever you continue to feel. Yeah. Like I said, I don't think that life is necessarily quote unquote going back to normal. and in fact it has kind of just this weird gray area, right. Where. The results were announced and. Obviously, it's not a new tradition, but now we're all kind of just sitting here. and tell inauguration day, and it feels very weird and gray and uncertain. And it's okay to feel that. But what I will say is that. I know that I am so incredibly grateful for. Community for my friends and chosen family. And. For those who may have not seen on my socials the Friday post election, I was. Kind of already planning on hosting and get together for the queer couples that I've worked with or I'm going to work with. And I considered canceling it cause I was just like, is this, I don't know if this is a good time, but. I kept to the event and it ended up honestly being just. One of the most beautiful nights of my life. It was just so, so powerful. And so comforting to be in a room full of queer folks who we all just got it. Right. Like we could just walk in the room and know that we were all on the same page and experiencing the same things. And. We could be sad together, but we could also. Cher joy and share hope. I guess all of this rambling is to say that I really, really encourage you. To find your own community, right. We've got four long years ahead of us. And. I think that one of the best ways for us to do that is to be in community with each other. And I am going to try to do my part in that. I had many requests to keep holding these events and so. I am hoping to once every other month hold an event for, for queer folks to just gather and. I think honestly, even probably do a little bit of what I will be discussing in this episode. Right. We need to, we need to feel normal and we also need to acknowledge that, like we're going through something and. And we're going to fight, and we're also going to celebrate what we've gone through already. So. Definitely. If you are a Minnesota Loco, please know that you are welcome and keep your eyes out for details on that next event. Kind of figuring out how it's going to be email sustainable and how to get the word out about it, but just kind of want to put that out there that I will definitely be hosting more opportunity for us to be in community together. Before I jumped into this week's episode, though. One other quick thing is I wanted to mention it is currently in the works to have somebody from the legal space. Come on here. And talk about You know, I'm just kind of what's going on and give advice to the community because. Yeah, we all have so much to do. As far as, you know, making decisions about marriage and also just making sure that things are as taken care of as possible. You know, from health care directives to estate planning and, and all of those things are really, really important. So, I am working on having somebody come on the podcast to chat about that. But in the meantime, I wrote just the short little blog. Sharing some websites and legal resources. I'm not obviously giving legal advice, but. Just sharing some resources. Hopefully to just kind of get it started for you. And also some. Some advice and some information too, if you ultimately ended up deciding to sign your marriage papers. Or, you know, have to shift things around because of. He who shall not be named. So anyway, I will link that blog post below and I'm hopefully going to be continuing to share more resources. But just kind of wanted to share that Before I dive into the episode. All right. Like I said, I took a pause from sharing on the podcast and actually I had recorded this episode, but I've gone ahead and rerecorded it because. There was some things with the changing. Of the world and the election that, that I wanted to add in and share. And It actually feels kind of like a very relevant time to talk about these concepts. Let me, let me just, let me just get into it because I think it will explain itself, but. This week, we're talking about the idea of both celebrating and normalizing LGBTQ plus folks and identities. We do want to normalize the idea of being queer and being in a queer relationship. Like, we want to feel normal, but you know, it's not normal. It's not normal going to sleep, knowing that when you wake up in the morning, It feels like your entire existence and all the rights that those before you and you yourself have fought for. Could be taken away. In the next month. That's not normal. And. We as LGBTQ plus folks, we want to feel normal. We want to feel like we're not being othered. We want to feel like we have the same rights and access as everyone else. And at the same time. There continues to be a lot of painful reminders in the world that it's. Not fully in the cards for us yet. And that is why the concept of celebrating our identities becomes so important. Because we have had to fight. Through. So, so much to be where we are. And I'm talking both on a big scale of folks fighting throughout history for our existence, you know? Queer people have long existed. And have had to go through so much. For us. And I continue to be so grateful for everything that those before us have done for us. And I'm also talking about on a small scale where individual humans have had to fight their own battles. And journeys to discover themselves to come out. Have had to face battles. You know, within their own communities with their own, their own friends and families of. Coming out. And what in the repercussions that may have come with that. So. That's why celebrating is so important because both on a big and small scale queer folks have gone through so much to be where we are. And we'll continue to have to go through those things and will therefore have to continue celebrating. All of the battles that we will continue to go through and we'll continue to win because we are resilient as heck. But I feel like it's so relevant. Because he, who shall not be named being elected. It acted as a signal to us. And acted as a signal. That we are still not seen as normal, even though we want to have the same normal rights is everyone. Our rights could be on the chopping block. And I do want to quickly say that. Yes, I am talking about. LGBTQ plus folks and LGBTQ rights in this episode. But I do acknowledge that there are so many other. Communities and minority groups that this election is affecting, and we have so many other folks to support. So I just want to make sure that. We all know that too, that this goes beyond us obviously. And we all need to be supporting each other. So just wanted to quickly acknowledge that But as, as the saying the selection, it served as that reminder, right. That. We have. Uh, fought so hard to be where we are, even though it's not perfect. And the election served as a reminder that what we fought for. It could all be taken away. But we are going to fight like hell for our community. We're going to fight for rights. We are going to push back. And at the end of that, all. If there ever is truly an end. Gosh, darn it are. Are we going to want to celebrate? We will want to celebrate that. We fought like hell for our community and to celebrate again, those who've come before us and those who will come after us. Right. So I think this moment in time is actually such a unique time to be talking about. This topic that I had scheduled months ago. It's just, it's such a perfect reminder that. We want to feel normal, right? We want normal rights. We want normal human rights. But at the same time, we, we do want to celebrate where we've come from and we will for sure want to have a heck of a party. When these four years are over. So.\ That is why I kind of rerecorded this week's episode because it feels. I'll be relevant. And. As I kind of shift and talk about. Celebration and normalizing and how it can pertain to queer couples in the wedding space and all of that. I really, really wanted to share from a queer perspective because. There's been like a huge increase and more folks just being generally open to LGBTQ folks or in vendors saying that they're LGBTQ friendly. Which is great. Right? That's so awesome. That's the goal like yay. High five. And at the same time, I feel like. Because there's been a growing acceptance and, you know, people trying to. Be more kind and open. I feel like with that, there's just been some kind of like interesting. Shifts and things that I've noticed. And so that's how I really wanted to talk about it from my own queer experience. Yeah, let's talk about it. Let's talk about the difference. I know that the concepts of celebrating and normalizing might seem like they. Are at odds with each other. But they're actually not, and I can't be mutually exclusive. So I'm going to talk about what they both are. Why we need them. And then also how to find balance between the two concepts, because. I think that's really what I've noticed with this increase in people being open. Is that maybe the concepts feel out of balance in one way or the other. And so we really want to work to find. A good balance between the two concepts. And that will allow us. Both as individuals in the community to figure out what that feels like for us. And also for allies and vendors. Finding that balance is how you can be a better ally and kind of live it out. In your own day-to-day life. So. I am going to break down each of them. Specifically. But just kind of at a high level. I wanted to say how these two things interact with each other. Celebration draws the attention to the uniqueness of the LGBTQ experience. Of queer lives and the concept of normalization ensures that these identities are woven seamlessly into everyday life. So with them working together, they will help. Fight discrimination, but they will also affirm that queer individuals are not just accepted, but are also equals. Hopefully that just kind of gives like a high level understanding of like how these two concepts interact with each other and why they're both needed. And I also just wanted to. Kind of give an example that popped into my head. So you're walking down the street and you're run into. Dolly Parton. I love a good Dolly moment. I know she's popular with the gays, so it felt relevant. So. You're walking down the street and you see Dolly. And you're probably going to be really excited because it's Dolly Parton. You know, she's a talented individual, she's saying amazing songs. She's such a fun and unique person. But if you were kind and decent human, you probably also don't want to like ruin her whole day by screaming her name. Drawing all this attention to her. Also, it probably mean you being like. Tackled by a security guard, which is not great. But. You because you don't want either of those things. You decide to find the happy medium of quietly walking up to her. Approaching her and, you know, making her feel like. Hey, I'm just, I'm here to say hello. I'm here to ask you how you're doing. But I'm also really excited to meet you and I'm really, really. Feeling excited that I get to chat with you and tell you, thank you for your amazing songs and get to take a selfie with you. Are you catching my drift? Right. Like. I feel like that's such a silly example, but it's kind of, it's the idea we're going for it, right? Like if you, if you saw Dolly Parton, you're going to be excited. You are like you realizing. Yeah, you're cool. And like, I'm not just going to not acknowledge that, but at the same time, if you're talking to her, like you also don't want to make her feel. Like she's an alien and scream and the spotlight's only on her all the time. Yeah, it's silly, but it works. Okay. Hear me out. All right, so let's talk about. The concept of celebrating LGBTQ plus couples, LGBTQ identities. So the idea of celebrating. And it's something that allows us to really acknowledge those identities and acknowledge where we've come from. So celebrating feels like. A very affirming thing because it validates our experiences. Our struggles are joys. And so I think that's super important, right? Because celebrating, and it's a positive thing, but I think. That celebrating can also just be. Something you use to say. Acknowledging also, right. That you're acknowledging where someone has come from, what they've gone through. And you're saying yes. I see that as a part of who you are. I think that celebrating. It's also a means to build and connect with community. And I think that that's exactly why we have pride every year, because it connects us. It creates safe spaces at allows to build new connections and makes us feel as though we have somewhere to belong and feel solidarity within our community and just kind of. Like I said earlier, just know. We that we all get it right. So celebrating as a way to do that too. And also I think celebrating these identities is a way to. Like just acknowledge that. There are so many different kinds of humans in this world and that all of us. With our differences and acknowledging that those differences can be really beautiful. It just adds to the human experience. Right. So. That's kind of what I'm talking about, what I'm talking about, celebration that like, yes. It's like, heck yeah. You are awesome. And I also see you for the full person that you are, where you've come from. Where you're going. And that. You know, obviously that extends to things beyond your queer identity, right. It doesn't have to just be the queer identity, but that is kind of what we're talking about. And so I think that. Celebrating identities. Can actually, yeah, it can look like pride. It can look like. Hanging a pride flag or, you know, having a rainbow pin or. Just being in community with other folks it can also be celebrating who you are and your identity can be things like. You know, dressing in a way that feels true to your identity. And can also be learning about queer history and it can also just be living your day-to-day life. Right. I'm celebrating. I feel like. We use that word so often in association with like a big party or a cake or fireworks or whatever in. Those things are great. And like, heck yeah. I love a good slice of rainbow cake, but it doesn't always have to be that right. I think there's little ways to celebrate in day-to-day life, too. Okay. So moving on to talking about the concept of normalization. So this concept. It is in there too. Be the balancing out of the celebration. To create a safe space. Right? That's what normalizing does. We want to feel normal so that again, not. There's not fireworks. When we walk into a room, right. We can feel a normal. And I think the idea of normalizing is also something. That. Helps to reduce stigma. And it does that by challenging stereotypes and assumptions. That folks may realize they have, or they might not realize they have But right. Like we want to feel normal. In the same way that like other couples feel normal. And I think that. When we strive for that, both. As a community and what we're advocating for. And as allies, when we try to do that, it makes the community feel safe and allows us to live our lives more freely. And a super cool thing about this too, is that the. Younger generations, seeing these things be normalized. Just opens up so many doors for them to feel. Normalized and. I feel that they can be them true selves. Can be their true selves as well. So normalizing can look like. You know, Asking asking for pronouns using pronouns. And doing it in a very, just nonchalant way. You know, putting them in your email signature, putting them on name tags. Very casually asking people for theirs and not making a big deal about it. It can be things like. In some ways like treating couples the same way you would. I mean, I say that was a grain of salt, cause it's like, not always true, but like, Generally, you know, trying to treat couples all the same. And normalizing can also look like protesting, like. Advocating for rights advocate, advocating for changes, advocating to get rid of old harmful bills and rules and Honestly, normalizing. Also looks like just living your day-to-day life as a queer person. And allowing the queer folks around you to live their life. In a normal day-to-day fashion. So. That's kind of just a breakdown of what those two things are. What they mean and what it can kind of look like. But what I really want to drive home again, is the concept of balance between these two concepts. And I think. To what I was saying earlier about notice. Noticing. Some weird shifts as people have started trying to accept. And be open to LGBTQ folks is that it feels like. They're not in balance. And what I mean by that is. You could talk to one person who it feels like they are just celebrating out the wazoo, right? It's. If you're thinking about a teeter-totter like. One kid's like all the way up on the top and like stuck up there. Okay. And. We don't want that because then what that turns into is even though it's coming from probably a really great place, It can end up making people feel really weird and it can make them feel othered, which is what we don't want. Right. We want to see people for who they are. But we don't want it to. Also make it the only thing about them and we don't want it to like do it in a way that ends up making people feel weird. Right. So like it. I know it's an example I've used. On the podcast before. So, hopefully you're not tired of this example, but something that comes to mind that I've seen other photographers do. Is that. They just try a little too hard with the slides and the Queens and the yes. And the work gets and like, yeah, those things are like finding great. And I, I know it might sound a little bit weird because it's not like those things are derogatory. But if that's all you're doing with a queer couple, like all day long, it's like, okay. One time was probably good. You know, like we don't, we don't need to say sleigh. Every other second, we don't need to say work at queen every second of every picture of every moment of every day, you know? Whereas our heart, you guys, but. That's just that something that comes to mind. And it's just kind of like an easy. Example of sometimes when I see people. Trying to celebrate a little too hard, you know, sometimes. Sometimes it's just okay. To like slip it in there one time and that's good. And move on. But then on the other side, When people are. I feel like lean too much into the normalizing. It's almost like. Yes again. Both of these things are coming from good places. And when I've seen this played out in real life, I know that what the person is doing is, is trying to make us feel normal. But then it's almost like when they do that. It erases your identity, right? So someone's saying. Listen, it's 2024. Like it doesn't really matter who you are, who you love. Like. It's fine. Like you don't need to make a big deal about it. Why are you, you know, Saying what your identities are. Why are you putting on your website that you work with couples? Like, shouldn't it just be obvious that you it's 20, 24? Like we work with everyone. Like it's fine. Love is love, whatever. I get it. Like I get what you're trying to say, Dan, But listen, Dan. When you lean too heavy into that side of things and that's. That's the only way you ever talk about it. It really makes us feel as though like our identities aren't important at all, then. And that's just. Like I've said. On both a big scale and a small scale. So many of us have had to go through so much to be aware. We are. And I think. That also leaning too much into the it's 20, 24. Why does it matter mentality? Kind of shows your privilege a little bit in a way, because yes. We have made so many strides forward. And. Also with this election. Who knows what will happen. But even before the selection, like it's not always butterflies and rainbows everywhere, always for queer people. Like that's just not the case. That is not the reality. You just kind of saying it's 20, 24. It should be obvious that everyone works with everyone and it's all fine. And it's all good. It's just, it's not acknowledging where folks have come from. And it's, it's like, you're saying. Who they are and who they fought to be. Where they are now is not important. And that's also just not a great look. So you catch my drift. Like you catch why we need both of these concepts to be in harmony with each other and they need to be in balance. And I'm not saying like it has to be perfect. It's okay. If there's times that there's. A little bit more celebration and partying. And there's times when it's a little bit more. Chill and low-key and normal. But in general. Balance. Balances what we're going for here. Okay. We. We like a nice, nice even teeter-totter between the two. Okay. So. For the queer folks who are here. And listening. I think that this is an important concept for you to be thinking about. Within yourself as an individual. Right. Like, how can you feel celebrated? How do you celebrate your identity? Like what feels good for you? And like I sat again, it could just be dressing in a way that makes you feel really good and affirmed. In your identity. It could be wearing a cute little rainbow pin, right? Like, whatever that is. And normalizing for you as an individual, I think could also look like. Maybe it's healing, the parts of you that. We're told that you were different in a bad way, and you are normalizing that within yourself and normalizing. You being in the relationship that you're in and doing that kind of work. Right? So this, this applies to us as queer folks ourselves too. And I think it's really important for us to have our own versions of celebrating and normalizing. And then for the allies out there listening, I would hope that. This kind of clarified what those two concepts are. And hopefully you can think about how you want to find that balance in your own life, right in how you interact with folks and how you run your business. All of that. And I just want to say too I'm always open to chat about this. Like, if you want to. Slot into my DMS and talk about how that might look for your business. I am definitely open to chatting about that. Feel free to reach out to me at wildly connected photo on Instagram, and I would be happy to chat. Obviously it would be happy to chat with, with my queer friends too. But, yeah, it's, it's really important that you figure out what that looks like for you in your business, because. Doing that. And being able to find that balance is how you're going to truly make LGBTQ plus folks feel great about working with you. Because they will know that they will feel seen. But then they also just feel like they can be safe. Right. I think that's also kind of another way to talk about these concepts is that you want to be seen, but we also want to be safe. We want to know that we have a seat at the table. And that you're going to make sure that we have a seat and then everyone's going to be normal at the table, but you're also not doing it in a way that makes us feel weird. When we sit down at the table. Right. Does this make sense? Am I making sense? Hopefully I'm making sense. Might just be rambling. But. Like I said, I'm always happy to chat through the specifics of this. I know it's kind of. It's it is a simple concept, but I, I know that it can feel like a fine line trying to find the balance. So always happy to chat about it. And clearly beloved. Thank you so much for taking the time to be together this week, especially in the craziness of our world. I think. This is a relevant topic because. We aren't going back to normal. Who knows what normal will be now. But we are going to continue to celebrate our community to celebrate our love stories. To celebrate new, new connection, new community. And. Yeah. I'm going to end it on that note. So. Thank you guys again so much for being here for being in community with me. If you need anything, please, please, please reach out. I want to be supporting my community and as many ways. As I can over the next four years. So please don't be strangers. Please reach out. You can email me. You can slide in my DMS. And I am gonna stop talking now. Much love to all of you guys.