Queerly Beloved
Queerly Beloved
50. MINI SERIES: QUEERIFYING PARTS OF YOUR WEDDING - The Aisle
It's almost 2025 so I wanted to create a mini series that will be released in between other longer episodes to break down each part of the wedding day to chat about how you can change it to make it feel less heteronormative and more YOU!
Everything from getting ready to the last minute of the dance floor (or no dance floor, because hey, that's not required ya know!), we will chat about options to change things that will hopefully resonate with you or spark conversation between you and your fiance to find an option best for you.
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
Clearly beloved. Hello? Hello. Hello to my lovely gays days and allies. So happy that you are tuning in this sweet and crazy to think that this is, uh, the 50th episode, that is absolutely wild and crazy to think that this podcast is. So old already. I, it's not actually old, but. That's actually a good segue for me to introduce this new little mini series. The mini series is called queering parts of your wedding day. And which I am going to be making little more bite-sized episode talking about various parts of a wedding day. Or elopement or small wedding. That you can, how to think about how you want to clarify it or, or make it your own. Because I think that there are so many fun and creative ways to do that. And the way that feels. Like a better fit for you and just. Yeah, the goal of this series is to kind of help you think about different options for doing things and. You know, whether or not the way things are presented here or the way you want to do them or not, or maybe it just opens up. Some opportunity for. You to kind of get creative and think of your own way, which if that ends up being the case, please reach out. I would love to know how you clarify your own wedding. But. Yeah. Seeing as the, as the podcast has. Really grown. Over the last year. I have had the opportunity to talk about so many amazing things and have some amazing guests on. And I've, as I'm sure that some of you have noticed. It's not always like incredibly wedding specific, right? Like. They are, there are really great ways to usually tie it back in, but. I think I've really realized that there are so many other topics that I would love to continue trotting about this on this podcast. All of them relating to the queer community. But I think. That there's just been so many cool doors opened up and you know, everything from talking about. How we can protect ourselves as queer folks in our, in our marriage is too. Therapy. And also I've got a live podcasting about coming up and all of these different things that. I'm so excited about, but I also, at the same time, Never want to lose sight of how important it is for us to talk about queer weddings. So that's why I'm introducing this fun little mini series and. This one might be a little bit longer. I just, as I'm introducing it, but the future episodes will just be quick, short. Bite-size things that you can listen to quickly on the go to kind of just give you some ideas. As a couple, getting married for how you can kind of change things up. But I also think it's really fun for allies and other vendors to listen so that they can maybe give some recommendations to their couples who are interested in changing things out. I'm really excited for this first topic. The first one we're going to talk about is walking down the aisle or lack thereof of an aisle. And I think this is so important. Like while I know it sounds like, oh, you know, we can just kind of figure that out later. Or like, I don't know. We'll just wait until they're in Hersel to do that. I actually argue that this is an incredibly important thing for you to be thinking about. Because I actually think that I can really impact the venue that you choose. And whether or not that's an actual venue or your venue is on top of a cliff. It is really important to be thinking about, right? Because if you are choosing a traditional wedding venue, And maybe traditional is not the right word, but you know, like a building. With the roof and walls. You want to be thinking about how their space works with what you're envisioning for your aisle. And I don't want to give away all of the different options right now, but. There are. Things that you can do to set up your ceremony differently and you want to make sure that your venue. Can accommodate that, right? Or same with, you know, being on top of a mountain or in a forest, like that's going to totally change what your options are in terms of how you walk in or don't walk in. So I think it's really important. And I also just think it's like, it's so fun, right? Like it. Again, I know some people are just like, oh, I don't know. It's just walking. Like, why is it such a big deal to be thinking about this? But I think. That it can be really, really fun and special and unique to you. And. Yeah, let's dive into it. Cause I think it's so fun. So I've actually talked about this a little bit and some of my former episodes talking about like old practices and traditions within the wedding space. So definitely go give some of those old episodes of listen. But just kind of re bringing up that. The concept of, of walking down the aisle is very shortly tied. So like being given away right. Which has a lot of ties to. Kind of patriarchal vibes and. Many places cited as an act of transferring of ownership, which. Is, you know, It doesn't feel like 20, 24 vibes. So, It certainly doesn't have to mean that anymore. Right. And I think for most people it doesn't, but I think it's just important to like recognize where it came from. And just, you know, Knowing what those roots are. And at the same time, I also have an episode that talks about how tradition can feel like a really important thing in the queer community. And the sense that there are those traditional aspects of a wedding where. As a queer person. You see these traditions and you're like, oh, well that's never going to be me because. I don't want to be given away to a man or, you know, insert your own thoughts and feelings. And so being able to reclaim that and, and still be able to have the experience, you never thought you'd be able to have like, That's important too. Right? So. I also don't want to say this in a way that's like, You just can't because it has, you know, some weird traditions, like I understand that both can exist at the same time. But I do want folks to know that there are so many other like fun options, and that's what we're going to talk about. So stay tuned. So. Thinking about your wedding. I want you to, just for a second, try to think about something. That's not just one of you walking down than the other or being given away. And if you ended up coming back to that great, but for now, Think about this. So. The first action I'm going to present is. Fairly basic, but it's become a lot more common. And I think it's really, really great. So the first option is just walking by yourself, right? Like you don't have to be accompanied by somebody. You don't have to be given away by somebody. I can literally just be you and. I know some people have expressed like, oh, but like it's really important to my dad or to X, Y, and Z. And think. I think that there are ways to make that person who you were envisioning, locking you down the aisle still feel really, really special. Maybe it's asking them to just walk you to the start of the aisle and then they go before you take their seat and you can still walk solo. Maybe it's asking them to give a speech instead. Or I think that there are ways to have conversations with those people that lets them know, Hey, you're still really, really important to me. But I really want to walk down the aisle solo and just feel empowered and just have my moment. And I think that's totally great. Then the hard part is you kind of have to figure out if who's going to go first or what that looks like. Maybe you just flip a Klein. I don't know. I've seen lots of couples do this. And the weddings that I've photographed, and it's always really interesting to hear how they decided who would go first, you know, I feel like a common thing I hear is, oh, well so-and-so had to go first because. I would cry too much if I went first or, you know, things like that. So I think it also opens up some really fun conversations for you. Two as a couple. But if you're like, oh man, we really can't decide who wants to go first or what that would look like. The second option I'm going to present. Is you guys walking together? Oh my gosh. I love when couples do this. I think it's so sweet. Like going down the aisle together is just like such a. Such a cute way to kick off the ceremony and to kick off the start of your marriage. Like. I think it's a really beautiful way to show like, Hey, we're in this together. And. We're going to start it off together. And it's kind of like a cool symbol of just quality of partnership of being in this together. So I think that's a really, really beautiful option. Another thing that you could do that I think I personally am going to be doing is a variation of walking together. But instead of walking together, like side-by-side down the same aisle. Again, this is where it's important to think about what, how the space works and if it will work in your particular venue, but. For my fiance and I, we are actually imagining coming from. opposite sides. And meeting in the middle. Which I think is a really also really beautiful and symbolic, and I'm going to start crying, thinking about it. If I don't move on. So that's the second option. Another option could be if you're like. But I do so want to have somebody with me when I walked down the aisle. You could walk down with, with multiple people or a group of people. It could be chosen family. It could be friends, it could be. You walking in with your wedding party. Or it could be walking in with your little furry friend, like your little dog. Oh. Walking in with them. That could be so cute. This works really, really well for people who have blended families who have chosen families. Or who maybe don't have families present, but want to still feel that familial kind of love and support like. Having multiple people go out with you and release. Quite literally surrounding you in love would be a super sweet way to do that. The next option is again. Y at the beginning, I was saying how important this is, because if you are going on venue tours or. You know, looking at different state or national parks to get married in like, I think that's why it's so important to be thinking about how you want to do your entrance moment, because. I have seen some couples do a circular set up for their ceremony versus like each side of the room. And instead it's just one big circle. So you want to make sure that the venue that you pick can accommodate for that and their ceremony space. Oftentimes places can, if they, it just kind of depends on the size of the room on, you know, All of those things. So just make sure you're kind of able to envision that and talk to your, your venue coordinator as well. I think that this is so cool. You know, From a photography standpoint, I'm not going to lie. It can get a little bit tricky because there's so many different angles, but that also makes it super, super fun. Right. I also think that a really, really cool thing with this is that it eliminates the, like whose side is on what side and which side do I need to sit on? Because. Maybe I know this bride a little bit better than the other broad, but like where do I sit? And. I think that that's a really hard tradition for people to let go of, even if they're not trying to be traditional, it's something that I hear. And the little guest chatter as I'm in the background quite often. Like if there is not a sign that says which side is which like, guess phrase, they're like, oh my God, I don't know which side to sit on and becomes a whole thing. And so I think that having like the circle kind of set up also is just a really cool symbol for just being like. We're all here for each other. We're all in this together. It doesn't have to be about sides. And I think that's really, really beautiful. Yeah, I think it's a super fun option, but again, You just have to have like open conversation with like your venue person or your photographer to it's important so that they're prepared. Yeah. And then the last thing that I wanted to talk about was just, there are other ways. Let me back up. If you kind of ultimately decide like, Hey, we still want to have a traditional aisle and like, Maybe we're going to still have a fairly traditional entrance, like think about other ways that you can maybe make it fun or unique. Maybe it's like. Walking into a chapel room song, maybe it's having a different kind of flower person or Yeah, just things like that. I think that there are so many different ways for you to. Also incorporate like your community, your identities Things like that. I think there are so many fun options. And again, there's no shame in the game if you're like, I really just want something like. Super traditional and straightforward, and that feels like me. Great. Awesome. Like. Do that. I just also want people to know that. Just because there's traditionally like a walking down the aisle moment. That doesn't mean that you have to do it like. There's really, really fun options. And I think it's just important to, to think about what's going to make you feel safe and celebrated too. Like, do you want that moment when everyone's eyes are on you, would you feel better if there's like multiple people walking up with you? Would you feel better if your partner is right next to you? Making sure you don't trip. You know, just. It's actually such a really important thing to be thinking about. So. Hopefully, this gets some good conversations going with you. And if you are a vendor or a venue owner or a coordinator like. Please feel free to encourage your couples to be thinking about this and. That is all for this little mini series, queering parts of your wedding day. There are so many other little parts of the day that I'm going to be breaking down and giving ideas to so. Keep listening and know that there's other really exciting content coming. Some wedding related, not everything, but it's all going to be amazing. So. Clearly beloved. I hope you have an amazing morning, afternoon, evening. Whenever you're tuning in. And I will see you all very shortly.