Queerly Beloved

55. Insights From Me: A LGBTQ+ Engaged Person in Today's World

• Anna Treimer • Episode 55

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I NEED YOUR HELP! I want to hear stories that you have had as a lgbtq+ couple in planning your wedding (past OR present) AND also any questions you might have for my upcoming live podcast at Urban Growler on February 20!

This episode includes Insights from my personal experience as a lgbtq+ engaged person and what's been helping me and giving me hope! I hope you'll listen in and be in this journey with me.

I know facebook is kind of the w*rst right now, but here could be a good place to connect with local queer folks:
Queer Exchange

The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic

Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)

Really beloved. Welcome back to this week's episode. Um, wow. What an interesting time it is in the world. It's been about a week since inauguration day And I know that I'm not alone in thinking that there has already been so many crazy and scary shifts in the world, and so I really just wanted to have a little bit of a longer intro to this week's episode just to kind of, I don't know, I know this is a podcast and we're not all together at the same time, but. I feel like just taking a second to feel how heavy things are, and then to also find ways to find joy and to find hope, and yeah, I just want to put out there that I'm thinking of all of you, I'm thinking of those in our community a little extra, these days and wishing so much love and peace to our LGBTQ community and especially to our trans siblings right now. I also just want to say that if you are an ally listening, thank you so much, and Please keep fighting for us and for our community. We can't do this alone and we'll really need your support. Please know that my DMs are always open. If you just need a friendly Ear to chat with um, you can find me at wildly connected photo on instagram and I would be happy to just hold space for you and listen or cry with you or Maybe you just need to think about something else like whatever it might be I just want you all to know that that is an option also for those of you who Live in Minnesota or in the Twin Cities area. I do have a art gallery up right now.

Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone)-2:

My recent series on rage is being generously hosted by the Black Heart of St. Paul and it's been up for a couple weeks now and Um, it's been so cool to be there and just be with people who I know are probably feeling similar things and to just kind of have that space to say, like, hey, when you walk in here, it's okay to feel angry. It's okay to feel rage and sadness or whatever you might be feeling, um, or just kind of feeling like, I don't even know how to respond to this. So I'm just also feeling kind of numb, like, um. Yeah, it is. It's just truly a safe space and I will be there this upcoming Thursday, the 30th, um, just to kind of talk about the portraits being community hold space for those who need it. So, if you are a local listener, please come by, it'll be up for a couple more weeks and would love to see you there. Also as part of this longer intro, I wanted to mention that I will be doing my first ever live podcast episode at Urban Growler in St. Paul, and I'm very excited, a little bit nervous. To be sure, but also very excited. And I think that'll also be just a super awesome opportunity to be with other queer couples and just kind of be folks who are in the same boat as you and get some practical tips on how to. Um, on that note, I am looking for folks to submit, Both any questions that they might have and want addressed prior to February 20th. And I'm also looking for couples to maybe share some stories about what they've experienced in the wedding space as an LGBTQ plus couple planning. whether you're actively planning or. It's something that happened in the past, and even if you're already married, like, I'd really love to have some stories, for an interactive segment of the podcast. it can all be totally anonymous, so no worries about that, but if you could please either DM me on Instagram at wildlyconnectedphoto or shoot me an email, which is hello at wildlyconnectedphotography. com with your stories or experiences or questions. That's going to be so great. we will have some other opportunities for participation throughout the podcast, but I'd really like to have some of those things ahead of time. Thank you so much for listening to this longer intro, but there's kind of lots going on right now. So I felt like it was important to talk about those things. If you're still with me, um, this episode is also going to be fairly brief, but I think still really important. And I wanted to chat a little bit about my own experience being someone who is queer in a very open and visible queer relationship, who's also planning her own wedding. First of all, To those of you who are in the same boat as me, I see you, and it does really suck, well, just saying that it's really, really hard. And at a time when you're supposed to be feeling so excited and just thinking about love and happiness and color palettes, you're instead thinking about legal things and financial things. And will your marriage even be recognized six months from now? And so to that, I just want us to, you know, be like, yeah, um, this is not at all what wedding planning should be. And it's okay. I also really wanted to just talk about some things that have been helpful for me and one of those things is spend time with your partner. Like, I know that sounds so silly and, and surface level maybe, but like I mentioned, we're having to think about a whole other slew of things right now and I will talk a little bit more about that but I think it's so important to prioritize spending time with your person that doesn't involve talking about the state of the world, that doesn't talk about legal documents and this and that, that's just purely for you two to connect and to have joy. It's definitely been a common theme that I've seen. On social media and online, which is so great, but it is true that that queer joy is a resistance, like, in a time like this, when it feels like things are shifting and it feels like the world is trying to be against us, the last thing that they want us to do is to have joy, and so I just highly encourage you to prioritize spending time with your partner that's away from the internet, away from the news, away from um, um, planning and having scary conversations and to also prioritize just like being with your person and protecting your peace in that way. Know that for myself sometimes that can feel weird. It definitely feels weird for me to be Um, talking about, you know, being excited to marry my partner and all these other things when there's so many things going on in the world that deserve our attention and are not necessarily joyful. But I think that it's still really, really important and it's really important for you as an individual and as a couple to find that balance. So please prioritize that and know that it is, that it is okay and it is not selfish to do that. And in fact, we need that. We need that as an act of resistance and we also need that so that we can come back when we're feeling more full of joy and our cups are full to fight back against all of the changes too. It is, however, also actually very important to be having conversations with your partner about walking through all the various scenarios and situations. I know that for many couples, getting married over this last couple of weeks and months has felt like the right option and that is totally great and I support that. And for some couples that hasn't felt like the right option. And I don't think that there's one black and white straightforward answer. I mean, there's no straightforward answers around here, but, um, I just really encourage you to be having conversations about, okay, if you're XYZ happens, what is our response? in this current climate, what's our response? If this happens, how are we going to pivot? Like, it's not fun conversations to have, but it is important to chat through what feels right for you and. You know, weighing in so many different elements of making sure that you have financial plans in place, legal plans in place, also, you know, discussing if name changes are part of your identity or your relationship, what's the best answer? Force of action for you there, also wanted to throw out if you are a local on Thursday, February 6th, Queerly Beloved events, not to be confused with the podcast, we'll be hosting an event in the evening that's all about, um, LGBTQ plus futures in the current world we live in. Discussing various financial and legal options that you have as a queer person. So highly recommend coming to that. I will be there taking photos and, all of that as well. And also wanted to mention that, we'll be having a lawyer here on the podcast very soon too. So know that some more resources are coming, but that, there's lots of resources online and, I know that there are plenty of resources. Either queer or career affirming lawyers out there as well. So highly encouraged that even though I know firsthand, like, trust me, we've been having these conversations and it's not fun, like it is not what you want to be thinking about when you're planning a wedding, but. It is important. And unfortunately, it's just what we have to do right now to be protected. So, please make, make sure you're prioritizing both. And, on that note of, you know, spending time together, I also just want to talk about how important community is, and I know I've been saying this a lot lately on, on Instagram and on my platforms, but like, I feel like I'm, I'm really, really firsthand witnessing how important it is to be in community with people who understand who you're going through. I know that of course, like our allies are so great and that, and we need them. And at the same time, there's just something that. I can't even quite put into words that is just so incredibly important and like, being in a room of people who see you, understand you, who I feel like sometimes you can just give them a look or a glance and you know what you're feeling and experiencing and you don't have to explain the ins and outs, you just know and it's just been amazing. So incredibly powerful. So if you are a queer person, whether or not you're planning a wedding, like. This is the time to find queer community. Like, for us, it has been so healing, it has been so important, so necessary to be able to spend time with people who see us and understand us and who are going through the same thing. I can't even begin to describe how powerful and how healing and how necessary that has been for my partner and I. I really highly encourage you to do that. there are so many different local groups here in the Twin Cities. Um, there are Facebook groups. Um, there are local community groups and I would love to link some in the show notes, to kind of give you a starting point. And I know for some that maybe in person isn't always an option, whether for safety or they don't exist, or a variety of other things. So, even if you can safely find like an online community, like, even that is really, really important. And I think we so need that right now. And being in community with Queer siblings that are trans siblings like that in itself is an active resistance as well. I just kind of wanted to, to say that and I know that some of the things I'm saying are nothing earth shattering, but just like for me personally, the things that have been so good, um, has been just being with my partner in an ever changing world and being with friends who care for me and, who hold space for us and who understand. I just, I can't even, I'm like tearing up thinking about it. So, um, I really encourage you to find community, be with your people. and again, my DMs are always open. Like I want, I want everyone to feel safe and seen and like they have a space to go. The last thing that I want to talk about, um, just as something that I've been thinking about in planning my own wedding. Listen guys, again, I know it's not like anything earth shattering, but I think that this time is so pivotal in, in watching how certain vendors, certain industries, venues, all of that are responding to all of the changes in the world. If you are actively planning, like, of course, like, it's always been important to know that the people that you're hiring and working with are cool and safe people, like, I, I have episodes on that, um, and I'll be talking a little bit about that at the live podcast as well, so that has always been important, but I think now more than ever, really just taking extra time and extra care to make sure that who you're interested in hiring is being heard. Proactive and is also not like, yeah, I'm sure many of you have seen what's going on with all the DDEI initiatives, the changes, what targets been up to, like, I'm not here to get into the nitty gritties of that, but I think like these next few weeks and these next few months are going to change. Be really telling of how vendors and venues are showing up, what they're saying, um, how they're treating LGBTQ plus folks that they're working with. so I just, I really encourage you if you are still looking for things like vendors and venues, like take extra care, like reach out to other queer couples, reach out. To me, reach out to other queer vendors and like really take your time in, in figuring out who you want to reach out to and if they have experience and if they're being proactive, um, making sure that they, like their first priority is for you to feel good and safe and not just there to take your money. And if you have already hired vendors and venues and you're not really in that process, I also encourage you to see how they're responding, and if need be, like, have a list of questions ready, um, that you can share with the venue or the vendors and be like, Hey, like, the world is in a different place now than it was six months ago when I hired you. Can I talk to you about X, Y, and Z? Like, will you make us feel safe? Are you still going to like, take great care of us? Like, how have you responded to things like this in the past? Like, I think it is totally fair and okay, although I know it can be scary as a person who doesn't love confrontation, but I think it is totally fair and reasonable to want to check in with those you've already hired and just basically be like, Hey, like the world's a scary place and things are changing and here's how I'm feeling like, are there extra things that we can put in place around our day to help us feel even safer and more protected? You know, maybe it's talking to venues about having more security there on your day, which is so unfortunate to say, or maybe just if you are having. Your ceremony or event in somewhere that is part of like a larger public space, like talking to the venue about ways that you could maybe add some additional privacy or shift where your ceremony is. And I don't say any of these things to, like, cause fear by any means. It's more just like, it's okay if you're feeling differently. now in your wedding process than you did six months ago, and it's okay to want to know your options and to shift how you do things. I think, yeah, venues are just such a big one that come to mind because they not only set the tone and the vibes for your day, but they also, you know, have a big role in what information is shared, who's around, what is the staff like there that's working there? I think that's a great question to talk to venues about too, like Hey, like, has your staff, you know, been around these kinds of weddings before? Do you have a diverse staff? Like, I think those are really important questions, too, just to know that you're not going to be getting, like, side eyed glances from the venue staff or the catering staff or anything like that. And so I just basically want to encourage you to really think through how you're feeling about your venue, your vendors, the entire process. And, you know, ultimately if things need to change and it's something that financially that It feels like an option for you. Like maybe discuss what that looks like too. because ultimately like our number one priority as queer folks is to feel safe and protected and to set ourselves up for success so that when we are doing something incredibly special and sacred, that we are not concerned about our safety or concerned about people. Thinking that what we're doing is wrong. That's the last thing you want to be thinking about on your wedding. And so, having conversations as a couple as to what you can do to make that happen is really, really important you know, for me, someone who is doing a little bit more of an elopement style, um, having conversations with our photographer who's helping us plan, chatting through, like, hey, is the location that we picked, like, do you think that ultimately will be a pretty, like, private location and will we be safe from, like, onlookers and, um, even just checking in on, like, the general vibes of that area and what is the legislation like, um. out in Washington and just different things like that. So it's definitely something that I'm doing as well. And even for me, like thinking about, Still needing to hire a hair and makeup artist. Like, I'm very much looking very closely at who these people are, what kinds of things that they've been posting in these last few weeks, how they're responding to shifts in the world. So I guess ultimately I just want you to know that it's something that I'm doing too and It is unfortunate that we have to be a little bit extra vigilant around this time, but, just know that, that I see you. I'm in the same boat as you. And I also still fully believe that, even though the world is shifting, that we still deserve to have the most joyful time ever. Our community is so beautiful and so sacred, and we deserve to have joy. And our community has gone through so much in, in the past and obviously in the present and have always come out on the other side and I fully believe that and I guess I'll just end with reiterating a bit of what I said before, like, Maybe it's just me, I'm not sure, but it, it definitely does feel strange to be wanting to celebrate and to find someone's joy right now in a time where the world feels severely lacking in joy. And I just really, really want to encourage you to prioritize that joy. You marrying your person is really sacred and it's really special and I'm, I don't know why I'm crying again, but, um, I'm cheering for you. What we're doing is important and I don't want you to lose that light or that joy. and I know that practically some things might have to look differently, but you deserve to have. A really special and safe and joyful day, and just in case you haven't been hearing that recently, I wanted to say it, so, anyway, um, we're all in this together, high school musical style, and, um, Just know everybody that I'm there right with you and I'm thinking of you. Once again, my teams are always open. Please don't hesitate to reach out. I'm so thankful for this little corner of the internet of the podcasting world that we get to be in together. if you are local, like I said, we'd love to see you at my exhibit or at the live podcast, We'd love to be in community with you. So, thanks everybody for listening, please take care of yourselves, and I will see you very soon.