Queerly Beloved
Queerly Beloved
56. Talking to LGBTQ+ Couples Authentically (And Things Couples Should Look For)
Couples: What things can you be looking for in how vendors are moving through the world to see if they really are genuinely passionate about working with you and for you and not just doing the bare minimum or rainbow washing?
Vendors: How can you speak authentically both to couples and the general wedding space in a way that genuinely showcases your desire to work with lgbtq+ couples and aren't just checking a box or approaching it in a way that centers you too much?
Listen too this weeks episode to find out! :)
Here is the link to the LGBTQ+ wedding certification course by Equally Wed to learn all the ins and outs of being a great ally in the weeding world!
**REMEMBER to come to my live podcast even on February 20 at Urban Growler!
The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic
Queerly Beloved, I'm so glad you joined!
Please keep the community going by checking me out on instagram @wildlyconnectedphoto and come say hi! I'd love to hear from you! :)
Burley Beloved, welcome back to this week's episode. I hope you all are holding up okay and finding ways to Take care of yourself and find moments of joy and the craziness that's been the past few weeks. If you're in Minnesota or the Midwest, hopefully you're staying warm and enjoying all of the snow we've recently gotten. I, uh, have mixed feelings about it, but anyway, before diving into this week's episode, just wanting to remind you all that I do have my first ever live and interactive podcast episode coming up. Uh, it's gonna be at Urban Growler on February 20th from 5 to 7 p. m. I think it's gonna be such a fun time to like meet with other couples who are in the same boat as you. Also just meeting other people. Queers and cool people in general and I'll be taking some Polaroids and chatting with people and You can also come check out a really awesome event space, too so should be super fun and I would love to see some of you to some of you all there and yeah, on that note, I am going to jump into this week's episode and I will be talking about, you know, some of this themes of like inclusivity and, and things like that during the live podcast. But I think I wanted to take this moment to kind of dive in a little bit about just chatting through some things that I think are really important when you are. sharing that you are an inclusive business. So for couples listening, I think this is also really valuable to you just to kind of make some mental notes of things that can maybe help you sift through vendors. Sometimes I think it's really easy to like look at a vendor and you're like, okay, well this person clearly doesn't work with queer couples or You know, whether it's something specific they say as far as we actually don't, or you just don't see any representation, like sometimes I think it can be easy in some scenarios to like, look at a vendor and kind of be like, okay, well. I'm not really seeing the vibes here, but then I think it can be a whole other story when you're looking at a vendor and you're like, Okay, well, like, I see like one or like maybe two LGBTQ couples, you know, I see some of these things, but also like It's a little bit hard for me to make this person out. Like, so anyway, this is going to be for couples in that aspect. Like, hopefully this will help you kind of feel like you can sift through some things. And then also for vendors, like I would love to just have a little chat with you about how you can. share more about you and your business in a way that is genuinely inclusive and about your genuine desire to support people and not just do it in like a marketing way, a trendy way, or a way that, God forbid, feels like rainbow washing. And I think this is really important now, because, know, if you listen to my episodes, it's something I've been talking about a lot, because the world is, it's constantly shifting, and it feels like there's things changing all the time, and it also feels sometimes like we don't know what's happening next, and, so anyway, that's just to say that, like, This feels very timely in that I think couples and vendors alike have been responding really interestingly and I wanted to chat about that. I think from the couple's perspective, like, both from talking to my own couples and also just experiencing it myself, like, we're craving authenticity and someone who's really genuine in who we talk to and who we hire. I think at this point, like, hopefully more and more people are starting to get to that baseline of, like, Yes, you know, they have one queer couple on their site, or like, have a sentence somewhere, you know, about inclusivity but I think a lot of people are, are wanting to find people who genuinely are, like, excited to work with them, and who genuinely, like, want this experience to be really safe and healthy for the couple, and aren't tokenizing way, or things like that. So, Yeah, I think it's really important, both for couples and vendors, and so with that, let's kind of get into some of the points of how we can do that. So, the first example is, I have discussed this in previous episodes, so nothing new or super crazy, but I do really want to drive home the point of posting and sharing things year round. So I know that this is something that is talked about a lot, just also, again, it's like a baseline for when you're looking for vendors. You know, I've shared a lot in the past about how it's important that vendors aren't just sharing one post at the start of pride and then calling it a day. And I think that's still really true, but. I just wanted to dive into that a little bit deeper. Like I think I wanted to talk about this because I personally noticed kind of an interesting thing happening in the wedding space. Since Inauguration Day, really, I felt like there was this huge crowd of people who was, like, it was, like, Election Day, and all of a sudden, they were all gung ho, they were all, like, vocal and loud, and, like, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, being, like, Oh yeah, this, you know, like I'm an inclusive ender, like I'm doing this or I'm doing that. And while I think that's great you know, bear with me. I know sometimes, some of the things I say in this podcast may seem a little bit harsh, but I promise I'm, I'm not trying to come from a harsh standpoint. I just I care about this a lot, and yeah, on that note, I think it's really important to, to find people who have that attitude more than just when things come up, and I think that can be kind of hard for couples sometimes to sift through if they're, you know, haven't been following you for years on Instagram and they're just now seeing you, but I think that there are ways to you know, make it feel apparent whether that's pinning a post on your Instagram feed to showcase right off the bat, you know, a fairly recent shoot of a couple, like, not necessarily saying it's bad if that photo was from 2018, but if it is, there should be lots of other recent examples too. And I think then being able to then drive it home on your website or however couples are then ultimately getting in touch with you is really, really important to have that kind of like year round aspect. And yeah, kind of just on that note too, I think it is really important to be doing your best to share things pretty consistently and things that aren't just shoots. Because I think people want to see that it's something that you're, you're doing genuinely and you're not just working with models who are maybe helping you or coaching you through things, but it's something that you practice in your business all the time. And so, yeah, I just, I wanted, I felt that was important to talk about because. I think, for me, it was something really interesting to experience, both being a vendor myself and also someone getting married, too. Is just seeing, like, so many businesses just, like, popping out of nowhere to be, like, Oh, we're in an inclusive space. Which is, like, don't get me wrong. Great. Like, thank you so much for saying that. And that's really important and we value that. And, at the same time, like, I personally would love to see more of that energy year round, you know? Yes, like, Inauguration Day was huge, and, like, these past few weeks, they have been really big. Like, lots of things are happening, they're shifting very fast, and I'm glad that folks are vocal about that and willing to talk about it. And, at the same time, I would love to see that year round, like prior to inauguration day, there was still things that we needed to talk to, there was still like, laws that needed to be changed, there was still practices in the wedding industry that needed to shift. So, while I do think it is important that people are vocal now, because we certainly need that at this moment in time, but I just like, I want to see that energy. more year round. And I want to see those vendors engaging with LGBTQ plus community year round. Whether that's, you know, signing petitions, or talking to their local lawmakers, or supporting LGBTQ vendors, influencers, publications going to events that are for allies or the community as a whole also, you know, making sure that they share things that are educational resources too, and not just, oh, this is happening right now and here's what I'm doing. I think I also just kind of wanted to touch a little bit on some things I was seeing in the vendor community as far as responses to things that impact the LGBTQ community. And again, just wanting to preface that this is all love. And even when maybe I say things that seem a little bit more harsh it's not coming from a place of like anger or judgment, but hopefully you can feel that it's coming from like, Hey, here's things that I'm noticing and. I would love to just see, like, how we can shift these things, you know, not, not trying to shame anybody is what I'm saying. So, I felt like there was this Huge response to both the inauguration and people's fears and all these things happening. And in some ways, it felt that there were vendors who were responding in a way that felt like it was kind of centering themselves in some senses. Like, oh, here's what I'm doing. And like, I'm doing this for the community. You know, I think that can be tough because ultimately, like, some of those things that folks were doing for the community were great and so had good benefits. I think it's just, it's tough, right, if it's not aligning up with what you're doing year round. And yeah, I could talk about this for a while. It's something I get pretty spicy about just because This is my business, all day, every day, year round. It's what I'm passionate about, and it's also my lived experience, all day, every day. And I know that's obviously not the case for everybody, so, I don't want to get too spicy, but I think if you are going to suddenly, out of the blue, out of nowhere, be like, oh, here's what I'm doing, and here's how I'm showing up, like, I hope that the rest of this year that that same energy shows up, right? Because I think that that is how I would want to feel from a vendor that I'm hiring, is that they are showing up for me and that they aren't just shooting my wedding or doing this one wedding for me so that they can get content or make money, but that they really genuinely care about me and my partner or whatever year round and hopefully I just want to be able to see that on their page. So, I guess for couples, yeah, just kind of keep mental notes and tabs on folks you're talking to and see if how they are living their life and sharing things feels good to you. I think it can totally feel good. Super different for different couples too on like what's important to them or what they might be looking for. And vendors I think just, yeah, taking kind of a step back and seeing how you're sharing things, when you're sharing them, what you're saying about them, who are you centering. Those kinds of things. And kind of on the same note, I mean, I have it as a different point, but on the same note I find it really frustrating when vendors seem to have this interesting, like, one foot in, one foot out kind of approach to LGBTQ weddings or working with queer couples. And what I mean by that is like, Sometimes I will come across vendors who have this very interesting attitude They'll say, you know, like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna, like, post this couple. It's a recent couple and it's not like the first time I've ever worked with a queer couple, anything like that. But they'll post it and kind of just this very, like, nonchalant, like, Okay, here's this couple. Which is, like, great. You're, like, representation, great. They work with queer couples. But then it's almost sort of like They don't talk about it anywhere. They aren't sharing resources. They aren't showing that they really care about the community. I don't know. Maybe, maybe this one is just me, but it is something that I see fairly often or like see Facebook groups of seeing photographers or other vendors kind of make these. comments that are just so like They don't actually really care kind of attitude where they're just like Oh, well, I don't know like queer couples are just you know, like everybody else like what's the big deal? If you have listened to one of my previous episodes where I talk about kind of finding that attitude of like Celebrating versus normalizing. I want to say that like I am aware of that and I think it is a balance But I think That those vendors who say those things can sometimes then end up being the vendors who are like, Oh, well, I kind of just like try to figure out which one of them is like the more manly one or just like things like that where they're like, Oh, yeah. Well, like these couples are like the same as everybody else. So like, why do I need to make a big deal about it? Or why do I need to change my workflow for them? Or why do I need to? I don't know, so many things that I think having that kind of nonchalant attitude can then impact other things. And so, sometimes it's frustrating for me to see people doing that, where it's like, Okay, cool, yeah, like, you're posting queer couples pretty regularly, like, I see them on your site. But then I also don't see you, like, saying anything as far as like, Yes, I work with all couples, or yes, this is how I run my business, or yes, I really care about that, like, I, I want to see that, and I think it's tough because I think some people don't want to use that, or they don't want to have a rainbow in their bio or some things like that, and while I'm not saying that you have to like be so out loud and like in quote unquote in people's face about it, like I do think it is important to find some way To communicate that and like I said, whether that's like a simple pinned post on your Instagram, that's just like. Yes, I, love and support all queer people, and I'm here to, like, support you. Whether it's just, like, one or two sentences on your website, that's, like, I work with everybody. Like, I just, I want there to be just a little something, just a little substance, you know? To say, like, I'm not just posting these photos. Like, I, I care for queer couples, and I want to go above and beyond for them. Like, I think that's really important. Like, in my mind, I'm kind of like, if you can write something on your website about how you really love documentary weddings or, like, something super whimsical or this, that, and the other, then I think you can do the same thing for just, like, letting people know. Who you are and who you support and how you run your business like, I don't know Sometimes I just get the feeling from some vendors that they're like, oh, i'm just like so cool and casual about it all like of course people know that like i'm just cool and casual and of course i'll work with them if they're queer and like Listen homie, I don't want to ruin your cool vibe. I get it. Like I know that sometimes Like clicking on my bio is like you're kind of like, all right. Well How many times can she throw the word gay in her bio, like, I, I understand, I, I know it's not for everybody, but I think that there is a way to still kind of go above and beyond and just, like, make it clear, make it clear that that's That's, that's what you support. And I think on that note too, it's something I have here too is just like, can couples actually connect with your passion? As I mentioned at the start of the episode, I think so many couples now are looking for people who are really genuine and authentic and looking for people who like really extra align with them. And so, like I said, if you're willing to show on your site that you are super into these like Rad day wedding vibes and all of that then like great so many couples are going to be able to connect with that and also if you take the time to just like say another little blurb on your site of like I love these super rad weddings and also, you know, it's really rad equality I don't know something like that. Like I just think Couples want to be able to connect with you and want to know that you are probably a little bit above the baseline of just like, okay, cool, they, they work with queer couples. So, thinking about how couples can connect with your passion and how you live your life, I think that's really important. Something else I wanted to talk about is the importance of doing work behind the scenes too. And I know so many folks are aware of that, but Yeah, something I just wanted to throw out and that I will link in the show notes is that Equally What actually has like a certificate which is like a little course that you can purchase on on how to be a great ally and a great vendor There's actually lots of resources out there like that. So I think doing stuff like that too, and being able to like display that on your website, or like finding ways to maybe share that information in a way that's not just like, hello, look how great I am, here's this. But I think ways to like, you get a little badge when you complete the certificate that's just kind of like, hey yeah, like I care about this, I'm trying to put in the work. I think that's really valuable too. And it's a great way to, to show couples that you are genuine in your passion. Okay, the last little tidbit that I wanted to mention as I wrap up here is, it kind of relates to a lot of the things that I've already mentioned, just as far as like sharing things year round and engaging and supporting the queer community year round but something that I think we can often forget that has a lot of impact is sharing things. To your followers on a fairly regular basis. And I say this because, oh gosh, this is like Uh, maybe a problematic, example to share from my own life, but here we are. So as many of you know, I grew up very religious, very strict upbringing. I went to a Christian school dad's a pastor, all that good stuff. And living the life I live now, for the most part, I'm very far removed from that community and those experiences and those people. However, I will say that there are a select few people that I have kept in my circle for the purposes of, you know, maybe some, something that I share one day, like, could help educate them or help Maybe shift their mind on something. And similarly I think going, if we're looking at it as a two way street, as a two way street I will sometimes view their content and just be like, oh, interesting. That's what they're saying about, the queer community. That's, that's great to know. And I'm saying this because I think sometimes Especially on things like Instagram or social media, it can be pretty easy to, you know, build a community in terms of like following accounts that are similar to you or have similar beliefs to you. And like, I'm very pro that because like, I think sometimes social media can already be like detrimental to our mental health. And so I'm very pro you following accounts and interacting with content that is like good and safe and healthy content. And I guess what I'm also trying to say is that sometimes it's easy to be like, Oh, yes, there are people out there who are posting things that are very different from me. And maybe if we are able to interact, like, Maybe I share something that. They wouldn't always normally see and maybe by them seeing that like it sparks a good conversation or you know Sparks some good thoughts for them. So I guess what I'm saying is that like I think There are a lot of people in the wedding industry That could benefit from you sharing something that is, about going above and beyond for queer couples or using inclusive language or things like that. Like, sometimes I think we get in our heads about, like, what we share on our stories or, you know, do I even really need to share this? And like, for me, I'm just gonna say, like, go ahead and do it because you don't know who, like, might see your story and be like, okay, wow, like, I know the person sharing the story is a great person. And like. Also look at what they're sharing and like maybe I could learn something. I don't know. I guess I'm just saying like Sharing things is important. And I know sometimes it feels Silly or it can feel repetitive or it can feel this that and the other but like do it like it's it's been really good for me In my own learning journey like learning from others seeing what they're sharing seeing like the educational things that they're sharing and I think also honestly, I have been able to be a good outside influence to some people from my past. And for the record, I also know that there are people from my past who are watching me and judging me, and they've been very vocal about that, and honestly, yes, that's a possibility too, but you just never know. And so, I think, share that educational thing, share something that is loud and proud, and helps people see that, like, Queer people deserve safety and love and all those things too. So yeah, that's what I got to say. I'm going to stop rambling now. But hopefully for the couples listening, hopefully this just kind of helped you see that I think that there are some interesting markers to look through when you're looking at vendors and like, can you connect with them? Are you feeling their genuine energy come through in a way that resonates with you? And for vendors. Like, I really, really encourage you, as always, to just kind of take a look at your own practices, your own website, your own business, seeing how you're doing things, and just making sure that it is coming through authentically and genuinely so that couples are able to vibe with you. On that note, I am going to end this week's episode. I hope you all are having an amazing morning or afternoon or evening, whenever you're tuning in. And I would love to all, to see you all at the live podcast. And if you're celebrating Valentine's day, happy Valentine's day. I hope, I hope you have some great times with your partner, your community, your friends, and I will see you all at the next episode.